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Original poster

Anyone split with an ex because of his children?

21 replies

eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 14:51

I split with an ex nearly a year ago, we have 1 one year old child together.

He was never honest with my why the split happened, and today I found out it was because I wasn't a good enough step mum.

I find it all quite unfair, I did the best I could with what I knew, I was only 27 never really been around kids before and they were so young (4 & 6) they lived 1 hour 45 mins away and came eow.

I know this is probably naive but since having my own child I realise so many things that were so annoying are in fact normal, like arguing they used to argue 24/7 I didn't know this was a thing?! Eating, I didn't realise they could be so picky with food, even pick their own food and then decide they don't want it. As an adult I got frustrated by this. Touching, they wanted to touch me all the time, holding my hand or sitting on my lap, I found it all very strange. But now know this is normal too.

I wish he could have just spoken to me and we could have done something about this. I would have moved closer to them, or even just give me more time, I'm ready for family life now and everything that it entails.

I just wanted to know if this had happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Felic23 · 07/05/2021 14:55

Are you sure that was the only reason, I'm not sure if I would believe that. Your step kids were only around 2 wkends a month and if you got along OK with them and tried to make things work then it can't have been that much of a problem? Did he ever mention anything about it while you were together?

Blanca87 · 07/05/2021 14:58

How is he at parenting his own children? I wonder if he thought you would pick up the slack with his kids. You read about this happening all the time on the boards. The dad excepts the girlfriend to parent on their behalf. He could just be deflecting?

muchtoocold · 07/05/2021 15:18

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. All those things, whilst normal to an extent are irritating. With my DC I don't tolerate arguing, if they picked what they want to eat they are expected to eat it, etc. Is this more a case of he expected you to put up with everything so he didn't have to actually parent them himself?

I know that was the case when I gave the step parent thing a go. Whether my refusal to comply contributed to the relationship ending I'm not sure but I suspect you have had a lucky escape.

Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 15:29

@Felic23

Are you sure that was the only reason, I'm not sure if I would believe that. Your step kids were only around 2 wkends a month and if you got along OK with them and tried to make things work then it can't have been that much of a problem? Did he ever mention anything about it while you were together?
When we were together he know I found it hard but he always used to say it would get better over time and that they really liked me so not to worry.

I know as I got more heavily preg I didn't wana run around as much and didn't go out on all the day trips. But I thought he understood

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 15:32

@muchtoocold

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. All those things, whilst normal to an extent are irritating. With my DC I don't tolerate arguing, if they picked what they want to eat they are expected to eat it, etc. Is this more a case of he expected you to put up with everything so he didn't have to actually parent them himself?

I know that was the case when I gave the step parent thing a go. Whether my refusal to comply contributed to the relationship ending I'm not sure but I suspect you have had a lucky escape.

Honesty I tried just let him take a lead on the parenting as he was their dad.

I'm just worried my expectations were to high, like for them not to argue all the time and the other things I listed above?

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 15:34

@Blanca87

How is he at parenting his own children? I wonder if he thought you would pick up the slack with his kids. You read about this happening all the time on the boards. The dad excepts the girlfriend to parent on their behalf. He could just be deflecting?
He is a good dad for his set weekends, but it's like he could never be a full time dad.

He used to get really fed up with them, and threaten that they couldn't come if they acted a certain way?!

OP posts:
LatentPhase · 07/05/2021 15:35

Are you sure you’re not trying to find reasons (with the blurriness of hindsight) for this to be your fault? Do you want to get back with him?

AmandaHugenkiss · 07/05/2021 15:37

You’ve just said he couldn’t be a pull time Dad to his previous children. I’d say it’s likely he decided he didn’t want to be a full time dad to yours either.

TheNinny · 07/05/2021 15:41

The step kid thing sounds like an excuse. Apparently you weren't good as stepmum but somehow he thought you good enough to have another child. He probably didnt want to be with a child full time as you said he wouldnt be able to handle his own kids on a full time basis. Well rid

Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 15:48

@LatentPhase

Are you sure you’re not trying to find reasons (with the blurriness of hindsight) for this to be your fault? Do you want to get back with him?
I will not be getting back with him.

He had been leading me on pretty much since he left and I thought he had been getting better with my help. And we could work things out.

I found out via fb a few days ago that he has a new gf and once I confronted him he is infect living with her.. and her son.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 15:49

@TheNinny

The step kid thing sounds like an excuse. Apparently you weren't good as stepmum but somehow he thought you good enough to have another child. He probably didnt want to be with a child full time as you said he wouldnt be able to handle his own kids on a full time basis. Well rid
Yes we had a child after being together for 2 years and I had known his step children for 1.5 years 🤷🏼‍♀️
OP posts:
TammyT21 · 07/05/2021 16:24

@eggsfor1 step kids reason is definitely an excuse. How soon after having your baby did you split up? And I take it that it was him who instigated the split?

Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 16:31

[quote TammyT21]@eggsfor1 step kids reason is definitely an excuse. How soon after having your baby did you split up? And I take it that it was him who instigated the split?[/quote]
He left when DC was 10 weeks old. After saying he 'hadn't been feeling himself' for around 6 weeks. I though he was perhaps depressed or overwhelmed with a new baby.

I think I have written this further up the thread but he is in fact seeing someone else now, I found out via social media and her profile pic which is of both of them, the pic looks like it is from the summer time.

He left in July 20. And the pic was uploaded in Dec 20

OP posts:
MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 16:31

Left the mother of his first two children, left the mother of his third child, couldn't be a fulltime dad ... Sounds like whatever you'd done or not done he'd have reverted to his MO.

Dude needs to buy himself some condoms- how many baby mamas and kids he doesn't live with or father fulltime does he want?

MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 16:33

He left when DC was 10 weeks old. After saying he 'hadn't been feeling himself' for around 6 weeks.

Seriously ConfusedHmm

What a waste of space.

Young women need to be taught in school that a man who's left his partner & mother of his kids is rarely good relationship material.

Sakurami · 07/05/2021 16:36

He's a dick who shouldn't be having more kids because he can't be bothered with them. Nothing to do with your step parenting

MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 16:37

He's also been leading you on but is in face living with a woman ; and her son .... As above, waste of space.

Him living with and being so in her son's life while he's got three kids he doesn't live with and had been leading you on says a lot about his character. If it falls apart he'll have dipped in and out of that kid's life and destabilised it, a responsible person would simply not do that.

Likewise messing with your feelings whild being in a cohabiting relationship - and it looks like he lied by omission about that to you ..... He's a bit of a scum bag..

Starlightstarbright1 · 07/05/2021 16:45

He is trying to blame you rather than admit he is a shit Dad and partner..

Don't give it another thought

Rewis · 07/05/2021 16:58

Ok so he had met someone else and is came up with an excuse to leave you that would make him look good and you look bad. This has nothing to do with you. If he was a decent guy he would have talked about it and you would have worked on it
He likes the idea of children and doing the fun stuff. He doesnt want to do the other stuff so that's why he looked for someone else and left. Nothing to do with you and step parenting.

Original poster
eggsfor1 · 07/05/2021 16:58

@MarshmallowAra

He's also been leading you on but is in face living with a woman ; and her son .... As above, waste of space.

Him living with and being so in her son's life while he's got three kids he doesn't live with and had been leading you on says a lot about his character. If it falls apart he'll have dipped in and out of that kid's life and destabilised it, a responsible person would simply not do that.

Likewise messing with your feelings whild being in a cohabiting relationship - and it looks like he lied by omission about that to you ..... He's a bit of a scum bag..

Yes I asked him outright if he was seeing someone else and he said no.

If he cheated on me or my step parenting was to blame I guess both reasons are on him. Both make him a shitty person.

I need to put my daughter and I first and move on.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 07/05/2021 17:02

God he sounds like a waste of space. You are better than him and know you will have a better relationship with your child than he ever will with his. He’s the shit parent full stop

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