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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong by letting DD stay with him?

3 replies

PapaEye · 07/05/2021 13:09

I've namechanged for this.

This is going to be long so apologises in advance, I did make a thread about him last year (not about this though). I was with my boyfriend for a few months and then I got pregnant. I gave birth a few weeks after I turned 17. When I was about 33ish weeks pregnant he stole his dads car and he was drink driving and he crashed the car, his best friend died. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 4 years. I broke up with him as I was angry with him and I told him he couldn't see dd ever (this was before she was born). In the end I visited him in prison with dd when she was a couple months old (maybe 3/4) but he told me I shouldn't have brought DD as a prison wasn't a place for a baby. I did write to him and he always asked how dd and I were etc. He was released on license and the end of last year. In lockdown me and dd moved in with him and his dad so he could get to know dd we stayed there for about a month. Me and DD have now moved back home. Me and her dad have decided to get back together (but we're taking it slowly) as he's proved he's changed and so far our relationship has been good. My friend said I shouldn't have got back with him and I should be putting DD first (I am).

This weekend DD(now 3) is going to stay with him for the first time without me. My friend says he's still dangerous and that I shouldn't trust him with DD and that she'll hate him when he's older and realises what he's done. Am I in the wrong by letting her stay with him (his dad and his stepmum will also be around).

Also please no judgment about me getting back with him, I'm still putting DD first and I wouldn't even let him near DD if he didn't changed.

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 07/05/2021 13:13

Why does your friend think he's dangerous?
Does he still drink a lot or make bad choices?
What has he done to prove to you that he's changed and is trustworthy enough to look after your daughter?

PapaEye · 07/05/2021 13:24

No he doesn't drink. He does a lot with dd (plays with her, baths her, feeds her etc). He's also got a job and he's a good boyfriend to me.

OP posts:
Aliceinunderland · 07/05/2021 16:17

How long has he been out of prison? I'd be cautious and want to see that he has definitely changed over a long period of time before committing fully. That said, if you trust his parents to ensure your daughter is ok, I think it's a reasonable suggestion for him to care for your daughter.

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