Ex won't pick up the phone

[shiningcuckoo]

My ex husband and I have been apart for 4 years. He lives with his girlfriend who he left for and I live alone. The kids spend time with us 50/50. I have been diagnosed with lung cancer - I had it a couple of years ago and had a big operation and it's returned. My treatment will mean me going to a city a 6 hour drive away for radiotherapy. I'll have to be there for 5 weeks. I can't see any option other than the kids staying with him, although I will be allowed one trip home for a weekend and the health authority will pay for my kids to come to me for one visit. But I can't relay any of this info because my ex won't take my calls or call me back when I leave a message. I really don't want to send a text - it's really difficult talking about it anyway but to send this news in a text seems, I don't know, humiliating. I could send an email but he never ever answers these either and I have no idea if he receives them.
What to do?

I'm so sorry for your illness what a shock ot must be for you and your dcs. As you are not in this country. What are the laws their for leaving 14 yo alone at home? I know that not the done thing usually although you don't sound like you have a support network. Or dc school friends? Or haveing someone check on them? If they don't get on with their dad don't allow them to go their while you are going through life saving treatment. Are their any organisations you can talk to? Are your dcs independent ie able to cook and clean clothes? Yeah it's bad leaving them alone although it just might work out better for them. They are 14 and that is still young but of a independence age. How do they get on? You can't feel bad you didn't chose this nor did you choose to have dcs with a cheat. Bad things always happen to good people. You can do this op.

I am sorry, I didn't realise you are not in the UK.

Do you belong to a church? Long shot, I know.

I am entirely thrown by this. I stood in front of the car when he dropped off the kids and I said I needed to talk to him. I told him in a very straightforward way what was coming up and what the kids needed. He burst into tears and said ok. Anything. And then left, saying he'd call me soon.

I'm so sorry op sending support I hope your ex sticks to his word and does support you

Blimey. It appears he's not a complete monster, then, but still - proceed with caution.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You sound great x

Oh. Still a cock whatever he says.

So sorry OP
Hopefully he will live up to his responsibilities
Put this behind you and soon move on healthily with your children
Perhaps this could have a positive impact on their relationship with their father ?
Hug and best wishes for your health 💐

So glad he listened to you.

Op tbf it's about your children. If you had to stand in front of a car to have a quick word to him about your treatment that's a bit extreme. How can he be trusted for 4-5 weeks with the twins. He doesn't care or listen at the best of times and your dcs don't get on with him. Can you seriously leave them with him? I would still explore other avenues. Or organise a routine for your dcs to go by and have either their dad or a local childminder to check on them. I don't agree with a child staying somewhere where they don't want to be.

@Tomyoneandonly I see your point but it's easier said than done. Op is really limited in her options as she has already said. And he is their dad so needs to rise to the occasion.

I wonder if the GF/OW controls him to the extent he isn't allowed to reply? I wonder if he gets grief for have the DC over

What a nightmare!

I just seen your update op. I'm glad he has agreed to help with 'anything' but, maybe have a little back up plan just in case too. You don't want to have to go for your treatment and suddenly be blindsided by him or OW

I'm so sorry you're not well. I hope you are on the mend soon