Blocking/ghosting but politely?

[honeyandbutterontoast]

If there is even such a thing!

Met someone OLD a month or so ago. Had a couple of dates. There started being some red flags but I convinced myself to keep giving it a go 🙄. Unfortunately I had to rearrange a date due to work at which point I heard nothing from him for two days (prior to this it was continual messaging from him all day - one of the red flags). After those two days I then received smiley emoji from him. Two days after that a “hello”.

At which point I just blocked him. Not my style at all and I should have just left the messages unread but I didn’t want that kind of pointless contact.

Last night I received another message via a different medium. Basically asking if I’m okay and he is worried something might have happened to me? Clearly he’s just hoovering, but at this point I’m unsure what to do. I’m not liking the thought of ghosting someone but I also cannot be bothered with messaging someone who frankly was rude to me.

At the back of my mind I’m concerned he’s going to keep popping up in different ways and I’m not sure how to close this. Any ideas?

I’d tell him you’ve met someone else, or got back with your ex or something. (I mean, you could say you are just not that into him, but a white lie is probably just a bit easier at this point). Just one message, polite but final, then leave it.

How was he rude to you?

Wait, do you think he was rude because you cancelled a date so he stopped messaging? I mean I wouldn't call that rude, I'd assume they were waiting for you to get in touch because I would take "I need to cancel due to work" as a polite "Fuck off I'm not interested mate."

Anyway I'd say your best bet now is to just message him back and say "Sorry mate I'm not really feeling it, best of luck" and then block.

I will not be continuing this relationship. I wish you all the best for the future.

You don't specify the red flags noted during dates but from your OP I don't see that hes been rude. He was a bit over keen with the messaging and backed off when you cancelled a date due to work. In early dating this can be a polite brush off hence he might have been waiting for you to pick up the thread. You then ghosted and blocked when he tried to say hi again. The recommended advice is to play it cool with ghosters but he might have been worried if your excuse was convincing and comms friendly hitherto.

Just say to him, 'it's been nice meeting you but I don't think we're a match. All the best'. Might look a bit odd that you didnt do it in the first place but at least you will have drawn a line under this now.

No I didn’t cancel! I asked to rearrange which is different? And radio silence for two days after continual (100+ a day) messages (a red flag) was rude I think? And then rather than to send an actual message to send an emoji? After six dates?

Maybe it’s me and this is how OLD is but sometimes things crop up and IMO asking to change the time of a date is just something that happens sometimes.

He is keen on you, he likes you a lot. He can sense you pulling back and he is trying to hold on

You sound quite cold towards him... although his behaviour with the 100+ texts and then radio silence was weird and off putting. You clearly dont want this.. just tell him you met someone else. In my experience this is the only excuse they believe and hopefully will leave you alone if theres definitely no hope for him.

How much notice did you give to rearrange? If it was on the day I can see why it might feel put out but if you tried to rearrange then you did your best.
If your not interested just say it's not working for me, I would be put off by 100 messages a day that's far too OTT those sort of people who message like that burn out quickly, which he did.

Y'know what @honeyandbutterontoast? He sounds like playing a game. Do you like him? That's the most important question.

Yes I feel it was game playing. Love bombing too. Which I was put off by. Little lies too.
And then the slightest thing I did (asking to make the date a later time) I got silence.

I think you should have clearly ended it before you blocked him.

Surroundedbytime
I guess I saw it that he had ended things by the silence. And that the emoji, etc was just disrespectful and a way of seeing if I would put up with being treated that way in a relationship?

Ah gotcha, sorry OP. Sounds quite sulky in that case if you said 'can we do Thursday instead' or similar, rather than just 'I'll let you know'.

And 100+ messages?! Did you match that? I'd have repetitive strain injury! That is a heck of a lot.

Even so. If you don't want to continue, just a quick thanks but no thanks message now will make it clear where you stand and he will have no reason to continue.

Plus I agree, little lies are a problem, even if inconsequential. And to be honest, with dating, I have to be careful with that as I am an honest person but find myself tempted to sanitise at times rather than tell a near stranger all of my business. I have to remind myself that small lies indicate a dodgy relationship with the truth.

@honeyandbutterontoast

Yes I feel it was game playing. Love bombing too. Which I was put off by. Little lies too. And then the slightest thing I did (asking to make the date a later time) I got silence.

Big fat nope from me. I'm not sure I'd worry about being polite tbh. I'd just block him every time he pops up somewhere. You don't owe him any more of your time.

I agree, ignore and block.
He doesn't sound someone worth the time

Friendly ghosting is when you send the person a message telling them you are done/not interested and are stopping all contact and will be blocking them right before you block them.

Something like ‘I’m fine, no need to worry but I kind of moved on when I didn’t hear from you. Best of luck’
I find ‘kind of moved on’ is nice and vague