Husband fancied sil

[Ladyraven0483]

My husband fancied our sister in law and I can’t help but feel so bad about myself especially when we’re around her. It’s his brothers wife. I noticed a few years back he’d look at her a lot, his face would kind of light up when he did. I questioned him about it one night when we weee both drunk and he flat out denied it. Just little things I noticed over the first few months of his brother meeting her then her meeting us for the first few times I knew she caught my husbands eye. I feel so stupid for feeling like this I know my husband will always look at other women but with her it feels different. Probably because I have to see her every couple of weeks and it makes me feel shit about myself. She’s very pretty I mean model pretty slim tall with lovely long hair. I’m not bad looking myself so I’ve been told, but I’m not as slim ( since having a baby I’ve gained weight and I’m about a size 14-16)
I’ve recently started to try and make the effort with how I look but whenever I’m around her I again feel like I can’t compete and hate it if my husband looks at her. I’ve noticed he sometimes stutters when talking to her too. I’m just being daft aren’t I :(

Of course he denied it to you... Its just courtesy not to discuss a daft crush infront of the woman you love (if it even is that!).
I'm sure there are blokes that you fancy or do a quick peek at when out and about.
Totally understand that it's not nice if it's in your face so much, but is that really the case? Or is it likely you're feeling a bit low on the self esteem so are noticing it more and making it bigger in your mind?
He is allowed to find other women attractive, he is not allowed to act on that or rub your face in it. I think him denying it is an act of kindness otherwise you would drive yourself round the twist.
Put it to the back of your mind, you're gorgeous to him, he chose you, has a family and a life with you. There is no competing, you already won.

Spot on!

Do you have to see them so often?
How about saying you aren't up for meeting that week, Make can excuse if need be and see his reaction. If he genuinely doesn't feel attracted to get he won't mind , or he will see his brother alone without his girlfriend. Remember though she hasn't done anything wrong.

I wouldn't like this either so no I don't think you're being daft. These things particularly sting when you're not feeling confident in your self.

Do you normally have a strong relationship with no trust issues? If so I would try to put it out of your mind. Some people get ridiculous around very good looking people it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Plus now that you've said it to him he's probably mortified and will be trying his hardest to stop I assume?

It's not a nice feeling though so for you

I feel for you. To be honest, I would absolutely hate that.

Having said that, other PP are right. He chose you to build a life with.

Their was a night we went out where they seemed to flirt a couple years ago and me and my oh fell out over it ever since I’ve never felt the same I love him but I’ve always not felt enough since. He said he wasn’t flirting and just getting to know her but in my eyes it was he was literally around her the whole night and left me to sit by myself. We were at a party. I felt a fool. I’ve got no problem with my Dh talking to other women anything like that never been the jealous type but my gut just felt off about it. He doesn’t seem bothered if we see her or not anymore so I think it was just a short lived crush but it still hurts

That would hurt me too. To be honest I know he isn't acting on it so you can't really do anything.

If he's making you feel like that then dump him. A partner is supposed to make you feel secure and loved not insecure and jealous. Dump him for your own mental health.

(((((((Ladyraven)))))))
I just want to send you a massive hug as I know how shit it is to not feel good enough. I am sorry I have no further wisdom to offer. xxxx

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, she can't help the way she looks and just because you perceive her as beautiful that doesn't mean your husband fancies her just because she's good looking, also she's his brothers gf, I'm sure most wouldn't cross that line. He looks at her but probably because we all look at people in close proximity. I wonder if you haven't built a good connection with her yourself, perhaps if you try being friends with her you'll see her as less of a threat.

I'm trying to see this from a rational outside perspective but obviously you know your husband better if if he really is a sleaze ball, if that's the case then he's like it with a lot of women and you shouldn't be with him.

He’s not a sleaze ball at all he’s lovely I think it is my own insecurity and yes I tried to get on with her and always been nice to her but she’s not a very nice person at all. Treats his brother like dirt and they have their own problems I don’t get involved with. Think I’m just being stupid thank you for your replies it has really helped me.

Maybe he thought she was gorgeous (as it sounds she is) but now like you realises she's actually horrid and that looks really aren't everything x