Is it possible to have one sided sexual tension?

[ItsAllAboutTheParsley]

DP says no. He says what you feel is attraction and awkward self consciousness if it’s not returned.
Real sexual tension needs to be mutual because to him it’s the subconscious ‘me noticing you noticing me noticing you’ and both parties reacting to that and both feeling that energy/chemistry.

I’m not so sure. I think even if it’s not returned you can feel the tension of someone’s attraction and attention, and god knows people make mistakes about other people’s feelings all the time?

DP says that’s them reacting to their own feelings, optimism and sense of entitlement....if they really read the room they’d know the other person wasn’t into them. And his view is men in particular can take a gesture out of context and say she did x! She fancies me! And they ignore A,B and C, where women over analyse and ascribe positive motive eg he’s maybe shy, or he’s really busy, that’s why he’s not texted....

What do you think? Is DP a flippin’ lurve guru or am I right that can you feel that energy or spark on your own?

For some reason, the thread title alone made me laugh. Thanks, OP.

I think your DP is right. What you're talking about is lust or a crush - sexual tension needs to be between 2 people I reckon.

I think he kind of has a point.

I agree with your DP. If only one person is feeling the attraction its creepy, awkward or even rapey.

Your DP is right. The concept of ‘tension’ whether that be in this context of scientific, means that two forces need to be in play.

No I think you're right OP! I say this cause there was a moderately creepy guy I used to work with who would stare at me and start weird chats with me that ended up with him 'negging' me a bit - after I left one of my friends from that job was out for work drinks and next day told me creepy guy was asking about me and saying that we had 'really intense sexual tension'. Vom.

It was definitely NOT mutual

I think the fact that your DP can even say such things as 'that’s them reacting to their own feelings, optimism and sense of entitlement....if they really read the room they’d know the other person wasn’t into them' shows he's a really self-aware person. Sounds like you're lucky to have him!

So yeah, he's a flippin' love guru

Your dp is correct, you cannot have sexual tension one sided.

I agree with your dp, I'd love to meet someone with that awareness.

" where women over analyse and ascribe positive motive"

Let me know when his book is out!

He’s just read this thread over my shoulder @Chocolatefreak and is preening himself. He says years of fieldwork and a lot of female cousins honed his insight 🙄.

@Febo24 please don’t suggest that, don’t get him started on consent....

@Flugbusters840 see I think that the creepy guy would clearly be mistaken but would genuinely think it was there. Because he felt attracted to you and you hadn’t actually thrown up on his trainers so you must have fancied him back. But I guess you have to think you are so hot and that therefore the default is the other person will fancy you, for that to happen.
DP says therefore it’s not sexual tension. It’s wishful thinking. Creepy guy wasn’t reading you, he was reading himself and projecting his entitlement onto you.

So I guess the consensus is no you can’t but a lot of people can imagine they’re feeling it because they want to. DP of course snorting that it’s hard to mistake the real thing. His list of symptoms has made me come over all unnecessary.

Yes, you can't have the "spark" without both elements being in play 😉

@ItsAllAboutTheParsley tell your DP that obviously non creepy nice men like him would obviously not mistake the real thing!

But I think this guy definitely thought we had tension 🤮🤮 it explained a lot in retrospect.

I suppose you can define sexual tension as a mutual feeling but that doesn't account for when people see something that's not there 😅

When a woman wants a man inside her, he knows. The fact that he knows that she knows he knows, etc, is the circle played out between them as they mate. His eyes locked into hers and he knows he is powerless inside her. In the moment before he cums, they both know that he is hers and there is nothing he can do about it. It definitely takes two for that tension to be drawn.

I agree wholeheartedly with your DP. I think some people aren't as good as reading the signs though which is probably what happened to the creepy guy mentioned in a pp.

@MyOctopusFeature Wow. I was thinking about a stage a wee bit before that..... but hoooboy😳

There's a thing called limerence that comes up a lot on here. The limerencers certainly seem to feel much sexual tension!

Men often seem to feel chemistry when it's not returned. Probably down to them having bigger egos (the man mirror). Your DH's in denial

I agree and that was my argument @GeidiPrimes that people -men- get this wrong pretty often, so can you just have it one sided? But I guess whatever the deluded feel, it’s real to them, but it’s not sexual tension.

I should never let him RTFT. DP just fixed me with his gaze and said smoulderingly, “I know that you know that I know that you want me inside you......” then collapsed in a fit of giggles.

@sadpapercourtesan

A kind offer I am sure, but I don't think that's what she's looking for

@MyOctopusFeature

When a woman wants a man inside her, he knows. The fact that he knows that she knows he knows, etc, is the circle played out between them as they mate. His eyes locked into hers and he knows he is powerless inside her. In the moment before he cums, they both know that he is hers and there is nothing he can do about it. It definitely takes two for that tension to be drawn.

Christ, Barbara Cartland From Beyond The Grave has gone a bit weird.

Women get it wrong too. I've got it wrong in my time (embarrassingly.) But I think what I have tended to get wrong is the strength of feeling. As in, I'm not imagining the mutual attraction/sexual tension - it's there - but whereas for me it's a big deal, for the bloke it isn't. I'm anticipating some wild passionate affair whereas he's thinking quick bunk up.

I am imagining Octopus as a David Attenborough voice over.

@MrsMackesy

I am imagining Octopus as a David Attenborough voice over.