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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Social media: am I justified?

22 replies

autumnalrain · 06/05/2021 16:08

Context: I (mid 20s) have somewhat of an Instagram following, not a huge amount just 11k. I’m not an ‘influencer’ in the traditional sense. I just had my profile public and started to get followers after one of my photos were shared on an inspo page. I have a full time job.

Anyway I was dating this guy, let’s call him Fred, from Dec - Feb. He was a nice guy but I decided to end it because I couldn’t see us lasting long term because of the nature of his job. We are no longer in contact but still follow each other on Instagram (although I’ve muted him because he posts too much). Last week I created one of those ‘ask me anything’ Q&A’s and I kept getting questions about the last guy I dated such as ‘do you consider any of your ex’s as the one that for away’ — that sort of nature. I ignored the questions. Then later that week I got DM from the same user and also a couple comments on my photos. I decided to click on the profile and it was a fake account with 0 followers and 12 following. Low and behold the people the account was following was Fred and his new girlfriend. I blocked the account. I also blocked her main account. A couple days later another fake account starts commenting on my photos in the same writing style so I had a snoop , and again it was the same girl!

My question is, do you think I should message my ex and ask him to ask her to stop harrassing me or do you think it’s a lost cause?

Now before anyone says it, I know that having a public profile welcomes a random following. For context, I’ve recently started dating a man I met through mutual friends. His ex watches all my stories (on her main account) but doesn’t follow me. I have no issue with this because she’s allowed to look.

But the constant messaging of this other other woman on fake accounts is weird. And surely if someone blocks you on your main account and fake account you should get the hint and that shouldn’t give you ammunition to make more fake accounts. It’s creepy. Am I justified in feeling this way?

OP posts:
MoxFulder · 06/05/2021 16:12

I'd reply and tell her you know who she is, and screenshot her replies.

LittlestBoho · 06/05/2021 16:12

Why do you assume it's Fred's new girlfriend sending the messages? I'd think it much more likely that it was Fred himself.

Since you're something of a public figure it will be tricky to address; I'm assuming you don't want to make your profile private. You will just have to block these accounts whenever they pop up. Really weird of them though.

ErickBroch · 06/05/2021 16:25

I would DM her directly and just say you know who it is? Don't need to go to him.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 06/05/2021 16:27

Yes I immediately thought it was Fred not his girlfriend!

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2021 16:29

Why do you think it’s her and not him?

BornIn78 · 06/05/2021 16:33

You don’t know who it is.

I could set up a fake account and make it look like the account is my best friends boyfriends ex, or anyone else if I wanted.

Just block any accounts you don’t want to interact with. What you’re experiencing is one of the things that happens when you have a public account with a decent following.

Morgan12 · 06/05/2021 16:35

This is not harassment in the slightest btw.

autumnalrain · 06/05/2021 16:40

The reason I know it’s her because the other brands that the account follows are: pretty little thing , missoma and glossier. Brands I know a man (he’s an athlete) would not be following. @Bluntness100 @ErickBroch

@BornIn78 I completely appreciate that. That’s why part of me feels I should just ignore. If she just looked and snooped it would be fine, but the messaging is OTT in my opinion.

OP posts:
rosamacrose · 06/05/2021 16:42

I immediately thought Fred, too.
Just keep blocking and ignoring.
Above all, don't get sucked into their nonsense!

autumnalrain · 06/05/2021 16:44

@Morgan12 I know it’s not harassment in criminal sense. If I thought it was I would obviously be going to the police and not Mumsnet. But thanks for pointing out the obvious

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 06/05/2021 16:45

Idk why you tagged me - I think it's her absolutely. Been there and so have most of my friends Grin it's embarrassing for sure, stalking ex's new and ex partners, but i think the questions are a bit much. I think just drop them a DM and ask them to stop and keep blocking - once they think you know it's them they will panic.

PhannyPharts · 06/05/2021 16:48

She's obviously insecure about your former relationship. Try to ignore. She's torturing herself for no reason but that's one of the joys of social media.

autumnalrain · 06/05/2021 16:50

Sorry @ErickBroch wrong tag. Yeah absolutely know it’s her. I don’t even mind her having a snoop, can’t blame her for being curious. But the comments, DMs and making other fake accounts is creepy. Yeah I will do that , I just didn’t want to look petty and get into drama.

OP posts:
Sssloou · 06/05/2021 16:55

[quote autumnalrain]@Morgan12 I know it’s not harassment in criminal sense. If I thought it was I would obviously be going to the police and not Mumsnet. But thanks for pointing out the obvious[/quote]
Why are you so rude to PP - YOU were the one who used the word harassment in the context of your telling this person to stop harassing you!

Voomster953 · 06/05/2021 17:50

I’m getting “why are you so obsessed with me?” vibes.

Do you quite enjoy the attention of intrigued ex-girlfriends and current girlfriends of your exes?

user1471457751 · 06/05/2021 20:35

It's easy enough for your ex to follow a few brands to make it look like the profile is a woman's

Imjustsootired · 06/05/2021 22:41

@Voomster953 me too

Just block block block. It's not creepy...you know who it is and why shes doing it so nothing to worry about....surely you get random messages and comments all the time? I have a similar insta account but with a lot less followers, under 3k and even then, because its public, I get all sorts of nonsense. Doesn't creep me out, block and delete or just message her telling her to grow up, then block and delete. She will soon get bored.

romdowa · 06/05/2021 22:44

Just block and keep blocking. If you message him or her then you are just feeding into the drama. Better to grey rock it and they will soon get bored.

Faerysmoke · 06/05/2021 22:48

Glad I'm not on instagram. That all sounds like a lot of hard work. I hope you find a resolution.

Washingtofold · 07/05/2021 00:01

@Faerysmoke

Glad I'm not on instagram. That all sounds like a lot of hard work. I hope you find a resolution.
This , absolutely Sounds boring and depressing to me Reality world life is leas fake and less stress. I’d let it go OP , someone’s just playing games.
coronaway · 07/05/2021 00:12

I would delete Instagram. Problem solved and you can get on with your life.

Shemeanswell · 07/05/2021 09:43

Do you not think it’s him using her account? Regardless, I’d just block.

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