Not staying friends...

[Umberellatheweatha]

When you change your mind about remaining friends with an ex, what is the best course of action?

He was always decent to me and even though i broke up with him i thought at the time that I wanted to stay friends.

But having had time to think...I don't like the way he talked about women sometimes (it was part of the reason I split but now after some space I can see it more clearly). And...I just don't feel the need to maintain the friendship.

I'd like to phase him out but tbh it would feel really shitty of me. As would telling him I don't want to stay friends.

Anyone else untangle themself from a similar situation?

Just block him

Slow fade

Slow fade
Then block him

Just stop speaking to him, I’ve never stayed friends with an ex

If you don’t feel you can bluntly say “I don’t like your attitude and I don’t want to be friends” then I would retreat and begins to detach then move to blocking him.

Don’t readily reply to messages and don’t engage in anything more than general chit chat.

But honestly OP, you don’t owe anyone friendship and you don’t owe him an explanation. You were in a relationship and now you’re not, that’s it. This isn’t someone who’s been in your life for decades who will be hurt and confused by you backing out of a solid friendship.

I would just send one polite but clear message “I thought we might work as friends but I’m finding it all a bit challenging to be honest so I think it’d be best if we stop contacting each other. I hope you find lots of happiness and wish you all the best with everything, take care”.

Don't feel guilty about fading a friend out of your life - if they are bringing no value or worth to your life there is no fulfillment for you. He is your ex and you have had time to see the characteristics in him that has made him into an ex! Think of it like clearing out your wardrobe - it is cathartic