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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling guilty

9 replies

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 06/05/2021 09:23

My dad contacted me out of the blue. He's being admitted to hospital with kidney disease, heart disease, and emphysema.

I think he believes he's dying. He will be 55 in a few days.

I've honestly no idea what he expects from me. This is the man who left me in 20 grands worth of debt after fraudulently taking out catalogues and credit cards in my name.

If he expects sympathy I have none. He knew years ago his lungs were bad and was warned to quit smoking. He knew his kidneys were damaged after his failed suicide attempt when I was a child.

I feel a bit guilty because I don't feel sad or even angry. I'm just unbothered. And I know youre supposed to feel sad and angry when your parents are so unwell. I just don't.

For context, this man also abused my mother, physically, and emotionally. He owes my mum thousands in child support.
He ended up as an inpatient in a mental health unit, escaped and tried to make his way to me and my brother. He told them when they found him he was coming to kidnap us.

I'm 10 years older than my youngest brother, my dad would bring him to my house when he had contact with him so that I'd feed and amuse him and he could watch formula 1 on my TV.
He tells us that my youngest brother is his favourite child, and he has always put his partners before us.

He has never been much of a dad and has told us for years he won't live to see 60. So im not even sure if I should believe he's as ill as he makes out. He has form for hypochondria.

But I feel guilty because I know I should feel something. I just don't.

OP posts:
Holothane · 06/05/2021 09:32

Don’t go then these people mess up then feel sorry for themselves at the end, hugs,

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 06/05/2021 09:34

Holothane oh I don't plan on going to see him. I'm just feeling guilty that I know I should feel something but just don't. I've not even responded to his text message.

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 06/05/2021 09:38

Do not feel guilty for protecting yourself . Why were you liable for fraudulent debts ? Was/ is there no way that can be sorted ??
If you need closure ( btw you sound fine ) why not write him a letter like you have written here to get it off your chest
You don't need to post it
How do your siblings react to this news?

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 06/05/2021 10:28

nitsandwormsdodger I accepted the liability as he refused to have contact with my brother if not. He's a manipulative arse.

My brothers are torn. Part of them is still angry with him for what he put us through, but he's still their dad.

OP posts:
KinseyWinsey · 06/05/2021 11:03

I think your reaction is normal and expected given the way he's been.

He sounds hideous.

I think it's a blessing you don't feel much for him. It would be wasted emotion.

Holothane · 08/05/2021 22:59

You live your life and be happy I gave my birth mother no thought when I was told she died I thought why care she dumped me at 8 and I refused to feel guilty, hugs.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 09/05/2021 15:21

Thanks everyone. Turns out he's told yet another lie. He's not being admitted for anything. He's going in on Friday for an angiogram. That's all.
So this was all to try and get attention.
My brothers hurt and upset that he lied to him again. I'm just used to it. He will never change.

OP posts:
Holothane · 09/05/2021 15:23

Block and go nc forever, hugs

Alcemeg · 09/05/2021 15:23

He sounds like a proper fruitcake, OP, and not the tasty kind!

Thank goodness you don't have feelings for him. If you did, it would be a constant merry-go-round / rollercoaster ride.

You must have learned that the hard way, long ago. Lesson well learned. I'd pat yourself on the back if I were you. Flowers

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