My dad contacted me out of the blue. He's being admitted to hospital with kidney disease, heart disease, and emphysema.
I think he believes he's dying. He will be 55 in a few days.
I've honestly no idea what he expects from me. This is the man who left me in 20 grands worth of debt after fraudulently taking out catalogues and credit cards in my name.
If he expects sympathy I have none. He knew years ago his lungs were bad and was warned to quit smoking. He knew his kidneys were damaged after his failed suicide attempt when I was a child.
I feel a bit guilty because I don't feel sad or even angry. I'm just unbothered. And I know youre supposed to feel sad and angry when your parents are so unwell. I just don't.
For context, this man also abused my mother, physically, and emotionally. He owes my mum thousands in child support.
He ended up as an inpatient in a mental health unit, escaped and tried to make his way to me and my brother. He told them when they found him he was coming to kidnap us.
I'm 10 years older than my youngest brother, my dad would bring him to my house when he had contact with him so that I'd feed and amuse him and he could watch formula 1 on my TV.
He tells us that my youngest brother is his favourite child, and he has always put his partners before us.
He has never been much of a dad and has told us for years he won't live to see 60. So im not even sure if I should believe he's as ill as he makes out. He has form for hypochondria.
But I feel guilty because I know I should feel something. I just don't.