A condom was in his pocket

[Annonpl]

I've namechanged for this and I have no clue what to do.

When my boyfriend got back he took his jacket off and a condom fell out of his pocket. I asked him why it was in his pocket and he said he didn't know, he then said it was for us. I said to him that we haven't been having sex as I recently gave birth to our son, he said that he was going to ask. I know his lying but I have no idea what to do

@cakecakecheese

Yeah unfortunately it does sound like a lie, it wouldn't be a single one, it'd more likely be a packet and would be in a bedside drawer.

Any other signs that he's been up to anything? Hiding his phone etc?

I know his phone password (unless he's changed it). He hasn't done anything to make me think he's cheating apart from this.

Don't bring it up again OP, just snoop. Avoid having sex with him too - you can still catch STDs with condoms.

He hasn't done anything to make me think he's cheating apart from this.

You don't need any other proof apart from this. There is absolutely no other reason that he would be carrying around condoms in his pocket.

In his pocket??? And just the one?

Makes zero sense and you know that. I'm sorry OP he is very obviously lying.

Christ this is really shit, just what you need 4 weeks after having a baby... it isn't looking good.

@Elegantactivator

You having a bad day?

So when you didn't accept his first answer, he tried the second one. He's a liar.

hes lying. you know hes lying.

snoop, and get your ducks in a row. i would not tolerate this shit

Did he explain where he got it from or more importantly where the box is? Sounds highly suspicious.

Also agree with you - a box of condoms would have made more sense. Even then, wouldn't he have had a conversation with you about having sex first?

Least he using protection whilst he cheats.

Ask him to show you the box

Two possibilities come to mind:

-cheating or hoping to
-trying to make you think he's cheating so you feel more insecure and vulnerable and easier to control

I don't think you really need to know which to feel justified in ending this relationship when you feel able to.

my Ex's excuse when i found condoms in his back pack ''my mum borrowed the bag this weekend, must be hers'

I still laugh when i think thats he best excuse he could come up with.

Obviously he was shagging OW.

He hasn't done anything to make me think he's cheating apart from this.

This is a pretty big sign isn’t it?

Oh......... it's not good is it. Even if he hasn't cheated, the condom was there just in case........

@Wellies54

This happened to me. A few months after my DD was born I found a condom in my Dh's pocket after a night out. Same excuses as yours! The eventual answer was that he took it out on a whim because I didn't want sex that night and he was annoyed but he didn't really intend to use it. We're still together 10 years later but it definitely damaged trust. The best thing you can do is sit down with him and try to have an honest discussion. Is he feeling scared that you will not have a sex life from now on? Is he feeling pushed out by your bond with the baby? It's better to address this now and get him to realise that he can be honest and open about his feelings with you, rather than bottle things up and destroy what he has with you.

What? Your husband and father of your newborn decided to look for a random shag because you didn't feel like it? In what world is that normal? What does he do when there's nothing in the fridge?

Doesn't sound great love does it.

The only plausible explanation I could think of is he was wishing sex was soon to happen with you and he was paranoid about you getting pregnant again. It's a long shot.

No I think I would be saying 'well thank you for being so considerate, you are obviously lining up exta marital sex and I'm pleased you don't want to get anybody else pregnant or catch anything from them.

Thanks...... I now know where I stand. Buy youself a bulk load of condoms, proceed to put them in every bag you own and if he says anything just tell him its just in case you get lucky, and you know how easy it is for women to get lucky.

Or if you get sick of the lies, throw the fucker out.
I would also get a health check.

How have you been ?

This thread was interesting to me to read as it reminded me of something that happened to me a few years back. I happened to find condoms in both my DH work jacket as well as rucksack he takes to work. I even started a thread here on MN asking for advise and everyone immediately said, he is having an affair or hoping for one.

I never worked up a courage to ask him about it. I was just checking every day and he never used them, eventual they were not there anymore.

Currently I am in the process of separating from him and I keep wondering about those condoms, and asking myself, did he ever have an affair or affairs or not?