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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

TALK SENSE INTO ME!!

22 replies

gtwasdjwn · 05/05/2021 13:25

Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable here but ....
My boyfriend (29) and I (22) have been together for 3 years now. We have had 2 homes together, we have a dog together, we are so in love, we put each other before everything and anything.
We have just started our journey about 18 months ago into the property renovation business and so far have made a great success of it, having a considerable amount of money in the bank so far BUT, it is in his bank account, as our first house was in his name.
I, myself don’t have any savings at all now since I put them into our renovations and struggle sometimes to get by. Some months I will be paying my bills off and leaving myself with hardly anything to spend on myself. I don’t ask for money from him as I pays for enough already for us both, our house we live in, our bills, our gas/electric etc. I keep mentioning getting engaged and married and I know he wants to, he’s told me before. The current house we are in my parents sold to us cheaper, which we saw as my money from the house. I just feel as though I have to protect myself, I keep joking around saying he’ll make all this money in property, using me as the way to make the money (as I do the project managing so to speak) and he’ll run away. At first it was a joke but now I’m starting to believe it.
He has so much money in his bank as I don’t have a penny. But I’m only his girlfriend so I feel like I’m not entitled to any?
Maybe I’m overthinking again, but can someone help me. I am an anxious over thinker anyway and the money situation doesn’t help.

OP posts:

Aprilshowersandhail · 05/05/2021 13:27

Suggest a joint bank account. You don't need to be married to have one...

DorisLessingsCat · 05/05/2021 13:29

So you are working together on property development and he is keeping all the profits? You need to sort that out fast.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2021 13:32

Why is he keeping all of the profits when you work together? You need professional advice and quickly before he completely fucks you over. Stop being so passive and demand what's rightfully yours.

Allwokedup · 05/05/2021 13:32

Joint bank account. Now.

Purplewithred · 05/05/2021 13:33

Do you work? How much of your time are you putting into what he clearly sees as "his" property development business? What is the tax situation/business setup? He's taking advantage and you need to be clear that this is not fair. You deserve your share of the profits.

HollowTalk · 05/05/2021 13:36

If you don't deal with this immediately you're absolutely crazy!

EllenRipley · 05/05/2021 13:41

You need to sort this out asap.

Work out how much money you've invested in these projects, all the better if you have proof.

Open your own bank account. Tell (don't ask, don't discuss) him you want to work out 'your share'.

If he's not amenable to this or starts playing games/stalling/accusing you of being mistrustful etc., seek legal advice immediately. If he doesn't have an agenda, he shouldn't have a problem, will undestss as bad your perspective and be keen to get it sorted.

WhatMattersMost · 05/05/2021 13:41

I don't like this at all. Not one bit. You need to deal with this as soon as possible. Even if you hit the worst-case scenario, you will have got out relatively early.

sosickofthisshit · 05/05/2021 13:41

WTAF are you doing??!! He's keeping all the profits for himself even though you've put your savings into the business??!! Why did you not discuss the split of proceeds of the sales of the houses beforehand? You've left yourself extremely vulnerable to him fucking you over and leaving you with nothing. Jesus Christ give your head a wobble, and get this sorted now.

Weirdfan · 05/05/2021 13:43

@Aprilshowersandhail

Suggest a joint bank account. You don't need to be married to have one...

This, if you're project managing the renovations anyway surely you need access to funds to pay for stuff? Suggest it for that reason and see how he reacts, that should tell you whether you already have a problem. Your instinct to protect yourself is correct regardless though and I'd be looking at ways you can structure things more evenly going forward with the property development.

Astronaut8 · 05/05/2021 13:48

Get your share or joint account for profits to go into.

DungeonKeeper · 05/05/2021 13:50

Oh OP, he could disappear with all that money, come on!

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 05/05/2021 14:11

so your sold their house below market rate, basically transferring the money from them to him.
You partly paid for the renovation and it was sold, profit went to him.
You are working on a second property and you are paying for & working on renovations but when sold all the money will go to him.
Are you sure that the business has made any money or is it just based on bleeding you dry.

edwinbear · 05/05/2021 14:36

Why haven't you set up a proper company, which you are both directors of and an associated business bank account?

Bananalanacake · 05/05/2021 15:25

Tell him you want to get married next month, registry office, cheapest slot possible, no need to faff about with invitations and venues. See how he reacts.

Anonapuss · 05/05/2021 15:30

This is the scariest thing I have read on this board in a while.

What on earth are you thinking

Get your money off of him NOW!

I hope you have the agreement with your parents about the undervalue and the reasons in writing... holy smokes.

Neonprint · 05/05/2021 15:32

So did you put money or time into renovating the property he now has the money in his account from selling?

Gilda152 · 05/05/2021 15:50

Do you not have a business bank account together?

TownTalkJewels · 05/05/2021 15:52

What?

Why was the first house in his name?

Assume you have contributed to the houses financially?

I think this is worse than the usual ‘not married but he owns the house’ threads as this is an actual business!

Ps- congrats on your success with this, OP. Now get what you’re owed!

Starstruck2021 · 05/05/2021 15:55

How much are we talking op?

TownTalkJewels · 05/05/2021 15:55

Ps- why were your parents ok with selling their house ... to him, not you?

My parents would lose their minds if I suggested that!

Dacquoise · 05/05/2021 16:56

This sounds like an assertiveness issue. You seem to have slipped unconsciously into this situation and are putting yourself in a very precarious position financially.

Know how that happens, many moons ago went travelling with a friend and every time the bill came at the end of a meal, people pleaser me jumped up to pay it. Expected friend to pay me back later. She never offered and I was too embarrassed to ask. I ended up very poor, she ended up with more money than she started with. Big life lesson learnt.

Not saying he is ripping you off but the boundaries for this business should have been sorted at the start. If you are reluctant to talk about it because of embarrassment, pride, whatever can you approach it from a business point of view? Set up a business account which you will need to submit your year end accounts and work out your salary, profits and reinvestment?

Flip