I just wasted a year of my life with someone not over his and he did his best to hide it.
When we first started to talk we spoke about our past. Our previous relationships. Only he seemed very invested still. He had a friendship with his ex from two years ago! They lived together and were together 8 years. After he moved out it seems they continued to text. Ring. Meet for a cuppa. The way he told me this was like I needed to be aware of her. I felt my gut scream but thought perhaps because he's late 40s it was a maturity thing and it was a good sign he was decent.
As time went on I felt like she was constantly in the background. She knew he had met me. Apparently she said she was happy for him but knew this day would come. She's late 30s and wanted a family which he never could have with her. So it sounds they were never on the same page in life anyway.
Despite her knowing about me they continued being involved. Mainly through phone contact it seemed. He never actually told me when they spoke or how often. Never mentioned her going around anymore. When I asked once how often they meet he claimed she had been round once since he had met me. But whenever that day was he never told me. Which is odd because he was always contacting me hourly.
I had seen photos of her in his house kissing eachother. I had asked about these pictures. He removed them. But put them back up two months later when we fell out for a day! This made me realise how strange everything was.
I understand their history. But everything he had in his house was gifts from her. Even his car number plate was a personalised one from her with their initials. The cars old now. Serves no purpose and isn't fixed for the road. But he keeps it because she got him it I guess! So he has no vehicle.
At one point I asked him about his Facebook. Hundreds of photos of her. It was like they were still together and I didn't exist. I didn't expect him to delete the holiday snaps. Or the memories. But her on his Manchester United t shirt otherwise naked would have been nice to be removed. There were many photos of her just looking cute for him. He constantly showed me old videos or pictures of their old pets. Which was fine. but one day he shared a video with her in and messaged me before asking if he could share it. I said ofcourse he could. It got no response from. Anyone. But what I didn't understand was why he couldn't have just watched it himself on the anniversary it was posted to Facebook. Why did he need to share her video!
As time went on he brought her up in many ways. She was asking him if he still fancied her apparently. She was bored and twisting his head. He didn't want her round whilst she was like this as she just complained. He started telling me he never was attracted to her body and I was the only woman he had ever fancied like that so much. Moaning about her mixing with her friends all the time. she went away without him alot. He was even quite mean about her being made redundant. She got thousands and got a new job fast. He slagged her off for wasting all the money on holidays with friends etc but didn't want a holiday with him in the UK. He said she thought she was the best at everything and always got upset if she thought someone didn't like her. Then when I suggested he perhaps needed to cut her out his life abit more now if she was frustrating him he got defensive. She was like a little sister to him now and he found it nice.
As time went on he started ringing her when he had problems in his life. He would tell me he was going to ask her for advice etc. Then he nearly called me her name on the phone.
We split up 2 months ago when I caught him on Facebook chatting to other women. He was lining up new women it seemed. He hid it terribly and had also been mentioning a woman alot, that he had a fling with when he split from his ex. He had often called this woman a stalker and claimed she had contacted his ex after they slept together and caused aload of trouble. We split because he was not willing to discuss his flirting online. He said he was only window shopping but would never buy.
After we split I contacted the lady he claimed caused trouble after a fling. Her story was very different. He was with her for four months. Meeting for sex. Planning to move in together. She left her unhappy marriage. Then the ex started contacting her to ask what was going on. It turned out he was still trying to be with the ex and begging her to forgive him. He was sleeping with this other woman whisky still living with his ex and had been chasing her for years!
He denied everything but we've also put our heads together and realised he's been messaging her whilst he was with me. He's said the same things to us both. When he was calling her a stalker to me he was actually sulking because she refused his number again and said she would only speak on messenger.
It's been two months. The last message I sent him I told him he would never be happy with anyone until he let the past go and got over his ex properly. I said he was playing games and lying and I was 100% done as I do not want his drama in my life.
He's basically moved onto another woman now who falling for all his charms on Facebook. I've deactivated my account and I'm having some time to fully move on and get over it all. But I just don't understand what the deal is with them. They don't want to be together but they don't want to let the other move on? I've never come across this and wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
From what I've been told she was always financially bailing him out and he lied to her in regards to women all the time. So it's clearly something he will never stop doing.
So mad at myself for not realising sooner he wasn't worth my time. It's taking me longer to get over it than I expected. Anyone been here?
I had posted in chat but have requested it to be removed as I made so many typos.