This may be long - apologies in advance.
Today I had a very upsetting conversation with my mum and I think for once I really am done with it all. I just want to know whether I'm wrong to go NC, if it's too extreme and if maybe I am to blame.
I have a very volatile relationship with my sister. I'm 34 and she's 32. Since we were late teens, she's relied on me very heavily and my mum for emotional support. She doesnt have many close friends and has never had a proper long term healthy relationship.
In the last ten years, it's got too much and there have been points where we've not spoken at all but normally I cave in - often because my mum rings me asking me to call her and help her as she's so upset about something. But I'm not sure I can do it anymore. It's draining listening to her and I often end up as an emotional punch bag who she blames. She frequently says I'm not there enough for her, I'm selfish etc etc.
At the start of last year, pre-pandemic, I borrowed £20k from her to buy my own flat. Without her help, I absolutely could not have done it and I was very grateful. I agreed that I would try and pay her back this by the end of the year. For full disclosure, I'm self employed and my earnings in the last year have been very low. My sister is on excess of £100k.
Throughout last year she became increasingly agitated I wasnt listening to her problems enough and kept reminding me not to forget to pay her back by the end of the year. I mentioned that since Covid I have not earnt anything and was relying now on savings to pay my mortgage - she told me I should be cutting back on my one coffee I have each day when I go for a walk and swimming which was doing when the outdoor pools were open. These are literally my only outgoings.
In December, my mum called me and said I needed to pay her back. I took all my savings and did that but I said I was not interested in ever speaking to my sister again and I had had enough.
Since then my mum has twice called me asking me for things that my sister wants to know about, put her in touch with people etc.
I had asked my mum today if she could come and baby sit for me as I had a meeting with a potential client and she agreed. This morning she called with one hour to go and asked if I could take my child to the meeting. It turned out my sister and her had had an argument and she doesnt want to come. I felt very let down and said this - I then had my mum screaming on the phone. She called my dad all sorts of names, said she hoped my sister and I lost all our jobs and begged on the streets and wished we were dead.
I managed to get childcare and went to my meeting where I burst into tears.
Every time my mum or sister need something, they call. I've blocked their numbers now and I really feel like this is it. I just don't think I can come back from what my mum said. My mum said we've caused her so much upset and distress in her life. I said I hadn't relied on her for the last ten years and she said 'yes you havent. but I had to put up with you as a child doing your gcses and a levels and you caused me problems then.' Apart from the general teenage stuff, I never gave my mum any grief. Did well in my exams and went to oxbridge. I know she finds my sister hard work but I cant do this anymore and be there for either of them.
I'm so tired and upset. I just don't think I can do this anymore.