Perhaps hard for someone to understand unless they've ever been sucked in and put themselves on the back burner for someone else.
Not sure why it happened as I had a loving relationship with my last partner. I'm not from that way of life and the males around me are all loyal partners who work hard. .
But I befriended someone who turned out to be a very very complicated guy. Unfortunately it took ages to find things out. He was very good at masking everything. He worked. Had a friendship with his ex and seemed to care for others. But over time I found out he was an ex drinker. He lost his last relationship due to his manly urges. They are still close but in a messed up way where neither of them will allow the other to move on. he had a past of driving recklessly and that resulted In two serious accidents. He's also an opiate user due to pain. But he does not take them as directed!
I knew he had adult children he left as little kids. They had been back in touch as adults. One has since pulled back from him again.
Started hearing more and more about his past. His ex wife was sending him angry texts not long ago. He showed me. They've been split since 2002 yet she still is angry at him. He claims she's a drinker too and was a horrible mum. He can't forgive himself for what happened to his children whilst he wasn't there apparently. One suffers from mental health but is at university and doing good!
As time went on. Money issues came up. I realised hes fallen out with all his family apart from one or two cousins. His cousin has spoken to me since we've split and told me he's a a hole to women and that's what wrecked his last relationship. She said he will never be able to commit until he's happy with himself. She said he doesn't realise how he hurts people.
At this point we were over. He had been putting me down. Turned obsessed with sex and was constantly on at me for pictures or dirty calls. More ladies added to his social media. Then I was contacted by a lady who had been involved with him for two years. She told me how she had left her husband to start a new life with him. Then his ex he still lived with contacted her. She told me how, she had caught him out several times in the past and asked if he was sleeping with her. This was the end of his 8 year relationship. He blocked the other woman for several months and has been chasing after her again for the last 1.5 years. He's currently not on good terms with her as she has been speaking with me. She is still suffering mentally for the damage he caused her family.
On top of all this when we ended he found a new woman in a different town. Friends have shown me their Facebook stuff to remind me not to ever get involved with him again. This woman he's now flirting with is everything he told me repulsed him and he didn't find attractive. Everything from her size, style snd location. She also goes out drinking which is not ideal for a recovering alcoholic! But that's where he's at now.
I managed to get away because I caught him out eyeing up another woman and I told him I was done. Which I am!
But it's been 9 weeks and I'm still struggling. I've just had a week where I have felt so much better. I was living for me.
I started keeping a diary when the relationship got difficult. I was struggling and wanted to get my thoughts out. It has also stopped me making contact with him.
Last night I read everything from the start I wrote down and it just upsets me to see how blind I was. It has made me really realise how different he made me. I didn't recognise myself in what I wrote down. I was sad. Not sleeping. Worried. Anxious. Drained. On edge. So many times I had written I have got to get away. It's time to end it. But I still didn't because he would be very good at making it about him and his struggles. Sending me gifts. Promising me we were going to have a great life. But he never listened to my feelings. Showed no empathy. Didn't care when he hurt me. He shouted at me three times in the early months and luckily that made me start to realise which led me to finally day enough is enough. When he shouted at me he would say horrible things to me and blame me for everything. He would go mad if I offered him space in the evening to relax. He wanted constant phone contact. He was often online in the night and go through stages where he seemed uninterested in me yet still remained in contact.
I know it's stupid but I feel scared that this new woman will be the woman he treats properly. Which I know is unlikely as he's not over his ex at all. He's stuck in the past and talks about her constantly. But I still feel I am not ready to see him happy.
I've come off Facebook but we live in the same town. I'm trying to make sure I hear nothing or see nothing now. But today's a down day.
I'm not sure what I am writing this all on here for. I can't unpick it sometimes and I feel there's so much to make sense of. Its not as simple as thinking he was just a player. He's really messed with my head.