How do you initiate a separation?

[Poppyseedjoy]

Hi everyone, I wrote a month ago about issues with my husband and things kept going badly. We talked a few times and he says it is my fault because I spend all my energies in being negative and he has more important things to think about. And the only solution is to divorce but the judge will decide who keeps the kids and in any case he is not moving out.

I am fed up but also very upset and I feel very lonely, I think he twist reality a lot and tend to make me feel guilty and useless when I know I am not useless since I do the most of childcare on tip of having a very respectable and well paid job. He says that I do most of childcare just because we don't have an au pair. Which is insulting, is like if an au pair can substitute mother.

Anyway I have been reading on line about separation and the idea is that you have to try to agree. He would never agree, what should I do. We do own the house (with a mortgage). My family lives abroad so I don't want to go anywhere really. How can I initiate a separation? Can anyone relate and can suggest how to proceed in this case? We do have 2 very young kids. Thanks

You need to see a solicitor for advice and to start your divorce. Don’t agree to anything with him.
Do either of you have a private pension ?
Do you have your own bank account ? Do you have a joint account ?
Do you work ?

I do work and have a private pension so does he. I will look into a solicitor, I though that would have come at a later stage. I really think is a shame to get separated because I think he is not in himself. But he doesn't talk with any family or friends about these things so I don't think he would change

You can sometimes get a free half hour with a solicitor, so ring around, and have a list of your most important questions.

You sound like you are not sure about separating? Could you get some marriage guidance or some mediation if you are separating?