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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave him?

3 replies

Mhomas · 03/05/2021 18:33

Hi, we’ve been married for almost 15 years, have two children and have been quite happy with only occasional disagreements. Last few years though we have grown apart. There’s so much boredom between us and I know lockdown hasn’t helped but we’ve kinda lived separate lives. We don’t share hobbies. My hubby is very cold person and doesn’t have much empathy for our children or for me. I’ve been poorly for the last few years with a condition that makes me feel up and down and he has proven to be the most useless husband on my bad days. He works hard for us, we’ve a nice house, a holiday home, nice cars and I should be happy working just 2 days a week but having everything. My other issue is that he is in control of all our money and asking me what I spent £1.20 the other day doesn’t bother him! We have no debts apart from our mortgage. I can’t go out for coffees with friends or just buy myself something nice because he is on my back straight away. I feel so guilty pulling out my purse paying for stuff, even groceries or things for the kids, because I know I’ll be interrogated as soon as I get home. I feel trapped because we don’t split our money and I have no access to any, I feel that his controlling behaviour is now really annoying the kids too because they’re permanently under an instruction or two and they don’t dare to step out of the line. I’m so unhappy and need to leave him but I don’t know how. My family live abroad and I can’t get their help. What should I do?

OP posts:
loveyourself2020 · 03/05/2021 19:13

Dear OP, I am very sorry to hear what you are going through, but your story reminds me a lot of my own. Our husbands are very similar, although not the same. I have spent 26 years with mine and I just about had enough. Told him two weeks ago that I do not want to stay in this marriage any more.. He does not make me happy, in fact he makes me miserable, he is not very loving and caring, no compassion, does not like to help, very selfish, controlling too, especially when it comes to money. I am 51 this year and realized that I do not want to spend the rest of my life living like this.

Anyway, this is exactly what I would advise you. Life is short and we all deserve to be happy. Some people may think that having a house, cars and loads of money is happiness, but it is not. Happiness is being free. Free to make your own choices, free to organize and plan your own life, free to say what you think without being judged, free to go out and have fun with your friends or you DC.....

I do not feel free in my relationship and it seems to me that neither do you. Just leave. Spread your wings and fly!

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 03/05/2021 19:21

Agree - happiness is being free.

Not sure how to advise you op, someone else will be along with more knowledge. But I just wanted to say you are absolutely right that you need to leave him and it can be done. Good luck.

HollowTalk · 03/05/2021 19:23

You have one life. Surely you don't want to spend it with a man like this?

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