Can I escape?

[brickwall87]

Really wana know what my options are. I have been with my husband for 13yrs, and married for nearly 3yrs.
We have a 12yr old.
Our relationship has been toxic since day 1. He's an alcoholic, a compulsive liar and a cheat.
Last time he had been cheated was last year through out the whole of the 1st lockdown. I found out in Sept. (It started in March, so he says)
Stupidly I forgave him again after a while and told him if he cheats again or carry on with the drink, (because he's a horrible unbearable man when he's drinking) then it's over. And he stopped drinking, just went cold turkey.
And so far so good he's doing well. But he always says when he gets stressed out or pissed off if he wants a drink he'll have a drink. Knowing it'll be the end of us. And him drinking, he drink drives (even done it while day drinking while I was at work nd he had our son with him) he could be gone for a few days with no word.... all sorts. Its been a nightmare.
There's a brick wall in between us. And I've tried breaking it down. I can't talk to him. There's no talking to him.
He never comes to bed, last year we had sex twice. So far this year... nothing. I can't ask questions (any simple questions) because I get moaned at, I can't have a conversation with him, he's ALWAYS on his bloody phone. And I know for a fact he's messaging other women coz I see their picture (fb messenger) when I walk past him. And he'll exit from the screen or lay his phone face down.
I've now noticed we don't have anything in common. We never spend time together. I try and talk to him but I just get either ignored (coz his phone is in his face) or shoulder shrugged. Or if I've asked him something that ive already asked him, I get shouted at like a child, that I'm stupid and forgetful.
I'm genuinely not happy, I feel very, very lonely. And we live in a area that we have no other family. So I don't have anyone to turn to.
It's obvious I want out. I'm constantly walking on eggshells and wondering what mood he's in.
I know what you're thinking, I'm a big bloody idiot and should have left when he 1st cheated.
My question is, my escape.
I don't want to stay in this area.
Although I work full time (hubby is main earner) and my son goes to school here.
I know there's going to be a time that I'll snap. Reach the end of my thether sorta thing. And I don't I've left because this mess is what I've known for 13yrs. And he likes to remind me I'm not pretty anymore and no one else will want me.
If it goes tits up and again, and I can't deal with this again, Can I up and leave with my son? Go and stay with a family member (who said they will help me get sorted)
And potentially get housing and a school in that area??
The reason why I've never left is I'm worried about money and bills that I pay (bank loan) and end up in debt etc.., being homeless... but if I know the options, then I know I'm not really trapped here. As he's always said, I don't have in me to leave him. And that's stuck in my head since.
Sorry I've kinda spewed everything. Even if no one replies, Thanks for listening.

Yes you can is the short answer. It might not be easy, but your current circumstances sound miserable.
Do you earn enough on your own to rent somewhere? It could be worth looking at a site like EntitledTo as you may get universal credit too.

It sounds a bit like he's eroded your self-confidence so much that you don't believe you can manage on your own, but it's very unlikely this is true. You are stronger than you know.

I'd also suggest contacting a domestic abuse charity as his silent treatment and shouting is abusive. They can help you come up with a plan to leave.

That answer is comforting to know!
I earn roughly 1200 a month. 500 goes out on bills/loan repayments. I could potentially have just enough to rent. But nothing left to live on (car/food/clothes/ my Childs clubs)
Most of the stuff in this house I own, my bed, fridge/freezer, washing machine.... that's it actually and a bit bedroom furniture (drawers etc)
Can you tell I've thought about this situation one too many times...?
Thank you for your reply. If it ever came to it, and I left, I don't wana be plastered as the bad person.

The short answer is yes. A more detailed approach is to plan. Do you have a bank account he doesn't have access to? Saving U.K. enough for the first months rent and the deposit and making other plans is the best approach if you feel safe to do so? Do you have family or friends, possibly work where you can store important documents eg passports, birth certificates, your marriage certificate?

Look at turn2us website because you might get some benefits and remember you should get child support plus child benefit.

Believe in yourself, you deserve better

OP there are ways of managing your debts, you need to speak to the CAB or somewhere like the National Debtline www.nationaldebtline.org
0808 808 4000 who may be able to help paying less or even getting rid off some of your debts.

Get some legal advice on divorce and take it from there. Try the Family Law Panel for a family law solicitor.

For housing contact Shelter.

Yes, you should get away as soon as you. This is a very toxic environment for you and your DC. It’s probably better to stay in the area if you can do so with a bit of planning.

As regards the things you will need and currently don’t think you’ll be able to buy, if you send out word of what you need you will probably be amazed at what comes back. Also Freecycle can be a great source of supplies. Good luck, OP.

If you're in the UK you'll probably be eligible for help with housing costs. You could rent somewhere that's alread furnished if you like, so you don't have to worry about kitting it out.

I'm sure someone else would want you BTW, not that that's relevant. Him saying that is part of the emotional abuse.

I have my own bank accounts and I keep all the important documents.
I'm not worried about that part of things.
But I don't have any savings 😕
I literally live month to month.
If I have the chance I would get out the area. Nothing here for me.
Thank you all so much for your replies.