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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being dismissed

21 replies

Nailingnow · 02/05/2021 19:19

I am probably overacting

However

Does anyone else's husband but then down infront of others

Eg

We have just been at a garden meal at uncles and stopped offf at our old house to pick up mail.

Apparently I was so drunk I wasn't making sense to 18 yr old neighbour (age is importbant 1 as while this 18 year old babysat for us she always sent Halloween pictures to husband only In her nurses outfit)

And so he had to tell her that I was drunk and to ignore me

I was and I am tipsey - but I feel dismissing me to old neighbour/anyone that I am simply drunk and therefore to simply ignore me is dismissive and belittling..

And the other part of me thinks that maybe I am worthlesss

I don't know who is right please advise

OP posts:
ILoveShula · 02/05/2021 20:19

You might be tipsy but you are not worthless.
It depends on how he said it.

HeadNorth · 02/05/2021 20:25

That is not right - your husband should have your back in front of others, not put you down. He should be on your team. If he thought you were drunk he could have discussed his concerns privately with you. He sounds like he was showing off for a younger woman and being a dick.

GreenDahlia · 02/05/2021 20:30

D ick

PerseverancePays · 03/05/2021 09:26

So bloody what if you were!
There is no excuse for putting you down in front of others or in private . End of.
Everyone has worth and that includes you.

user1471457751 · 03/05/2021 10:35

I don't get these responses. You were drunk, not making any sense and probably confusing the 18 Yr old so your husband told her to ignore you as your drunk. I would have done the same and have had people say the same about me. It's always jokey.
He hasn't said you are worthless, he hasn't belittled you and he hasn't put you down.
You are oversensitive because you're drunk and other posters are fuelling the flames

Hont1986 · 03/05/2021 12:32

You're overreacting. Sober up first.

Nicolastuffedone · 03/05/2021 13:17

So, you were drunk and making no sense and your husband said ‘just ignore her, she’s drunk’ I don’t see the problem...he was probably embarrassed for you.

Porcupineintherough · 03/05/2021 13:26

You're overreacting. Sober up first

^^This. Do you really think people have to listen to your (or anyone's) drunk ramblings?

grapewine · 03/05/2021 13:28

Drunk ramblings are tedious.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 03/05/2021 13:29

I think it's shitty behaviour of your husband, drunk or not. I also think there's more to it though

Tomyoneandonly · 03/05/2021 14:52

Has anything like this happened before?
Does he naturally undermine you?
How long have you been together?
I'm asking as I get treated like this and I don't drink. I'm trying to leave but something always puts me off. If it's a continuous undermining I would get rid of him.

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 14:55

You are NOT over reacting.. you are UNDER reacting...

He's excusing you as an embarrassment to an 18 year old babysitter thats sending him photos of herself in halloween nurses outfits .. Confused

They are close...

You and he are not ...

something is very wrong here.

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2021 15:00

It's embarrassing if you're out with someone who's drunk. I should know because my exH was an alcoholic. I used to say "he's drunk, just ignore him". What's wrong with that?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/05/2021 15:14

In isolation, if you were pissed and incoherent / rambly I can't see too much harm in a partner saying (perhaps feeling a bit embarrassed) ignore her, she's drunk!

BUT this is an 18 year old who sends him selfies? Does he not find that incredibly awkward and put a stop to it immediately and without doubt? If not, ick. Massive ick.

DinosaurDiana · 03/05/2021 15:15

Maybe he was doing it to get a pity shag off her.

LaBellina · 03/05/2021 15:18

Putting you down in front of others indicates contempt. One of the most toxic things you can feel towards your partner.

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 16:10

and lets not forget OP..

you were 'APPARENTLY' too drunk... according to Him.. yet you are able to recall everything .. 🤔

we call that Gaslighting now.

Littlepaws18 · 03/05/2021 16:24

@user1471457751

I don't get these responses. You were drunk, not making any sense and probably confusing the 18 Yr old so your husband told her to ignore you as your drunk. I would have done the same and have had people say the same about me. It's always jokey. He hasn't said you are worthless, he hasn't belittled you and he hasn't put you down. You are oversensitive because you're drunk and other posters are fuelling the flames
100% this
LaBellina · 03/05/2021 16:29

I wonder if the OP is giving us just one recent example of a pattern of gaslighting/ humiliation in her relationship. I doubt she would start a thread about this one issue if there wasn’t more going on.
But I might be wrong.

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 17:13

@LaBellina

I wonder if the OP is giving us just one recent example of a pattern of gaslighting/ humiliation in her relationship. I doubt she would start a thread about this one issue if there wasn’t more going on. But I might be wrong.

I think you're correct 🌸

FatCatThinCat · 03/05/2021 18:08

Your husband should be your number 1 cheerleader. He should build you up not put you down. If this is a pattern of behaviour then it's not okay and it's not normal.

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