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Original poster

Is it normal for people to behave differently when in a group of friends?

22 replies

LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:12

If they're really affectionate when it's just you, like stroking you, clinging to you, cuddling, etc... but then when in the presence of friends and other people they're almost the opposite, almost cold towards you?

OP posts:
SummerWaves · 01/05/2021 15:15

Maybe they're not a fan of PDA 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:16

@SummerWaves

Maybe they're not a fan of PDA 🤷🏼‍♀️
Yeah they did tell me they don't like PDA, but is it just that I don't know
OP posts:
SummerWaves · 01/05/2021 15:18

Probably x

Wanderlusto · 01/05/2021 15:21

If it's a guy 'friend' then it's a red flag that they are going to utterly treat you like shit moving forwards. Heads up.

If it's a friend friend...hmm...not sure would trust them much either. Yes people are naturally a little different in company but...this one...it sounds like they want you to feel closer to them than they actually feel to you. And are trying to make you think they are trustworthy through PDA. But they dobt want anyone else to know.

Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:24

@Wanderlusto

If it's a guy 'friend' then it's a red flag that they are going to utterly treat you like shit moving forwards. Heads up.

If it's a friend friend...hmm...not sure would trust them much either. Yes people are naturally a little different in company but...this one...it sounds like they want you to feel closer to them than they actually feel to you. And are trying to make you think they are trustworthy through PDA. But they dobt want anyone else to know.

Sorry I don't understand why I shouldn't trust them by the fact they only show affection when we're alone?
OP posts:
MusicMenu · 01/05/2021 15:27

If I was out in a group and one of the couple was "stroking, clinging, cuddling" I'd see that as a red flag TBH, like territory was being marked. But it's not good if he is actually being cold towards you, rather than avoiding OTT PDAs.

Xztop · 01/05/2021 15:28

I'm not affectionate anyway particularly, but in front of a group NO WAY JOSE!
I hate to think people are looking at me.

It wouldn't bother me to be honest but I can understand why some people would be...

Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:31

@MusicMenu

If I was out in a group and one of the couple was "stroking, clinging, cuddling" I'd see that as a red flag TBH, like territory was being marked. But it's not good if he is actually being cold towards you, rather than avoiding OTT PDAs.
He doesn't talk much when in groups. He'll laugh occasionally, but most of the time he just looks at people and randomly fazes out.
OP posts:
Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:32

@Xztop

I'm not affectionate anyway particularly, but in front of a group NO WAY JOSE! I hate to think people are looking at me.

It wouldn't bother me to be honest but I can understand why some people would be...

Maybe he's like you then. Like I said he's really, really affectionate alone.

When in groups he's extremely quiet and laughs only just a bit. Sometimes he kind of fazes out completely

OP posts:
Xztop · 01/05/2021 15:34

@LysaSwann I'm like that too, the louder the people the quieter I am. I cant help it. Unless I've had a drink or 5 lol!
I wouldn't take it personally.

SummerWaves · 01/05/2021 15:34

Maybe hes just shy and really self conscious. He told you he doesnt like PDA and is quiet in a group. He sounds introvert and is just more comfortable when it's the 2 if you. X

Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:36

[quote Xztop]@LysaSwann I'm like that too, the louder the people the quieter I am. I cant help it. Unless I've had a drink or 5 lol!
I wouldn't take it personally.[/quote]
He definitely opens up more after some drinks

OP posts:
Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:42

I also forgot to mention that he's told me he's anxious and thinks a lot, sometimes too much

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 01/05/2021 15:57

You obviously know something is up or you wouldn't be asking about it.

If it was just a case of him being less affectionate when others are around because he didnt like PDA - then why would it be bothering you?

Its bothering you because he either acting when you are alone together. Or acting when there are others around. Or both.

You shouldbt trust him because he is not trustworthy. And your gut is saying the same thing or you wouldnt be in here asking about it.

Shoxfordian · 01/05/2021 15:58

We’re less affectionate in groups just because it’s not cool being all clingy but we’ll still have the odd quick kiss or hold hands

It sounds like you have other issues here though

Rewis · 01/05/2021 16:37

I find couples who are overly affectionate in groups to be very annoying. Therefore I tend to ever compensate by being a bit too cold.

Cloudfrost · 01/05/2021 16:45

So he has told he doesn't do PDA, he is generally anxious, he is quiet in big groups and hardly participates...

Why are you here exactly? He has already told you everything you need to know about the situation. You seem very insecure and possibly not a good match for him if you can't comprehend that some people feel like a fish out of the water when in group gatherings

AmbientLighting · 01/05/2021 22:24

If depends what you mean by "cold".
Some people don't feel comfortable with PDAs

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 02/05/2021 00:33

Is this a FWB?

If so, I'd be thinking they want to enjoy the touchy feely side of the friendship, but if company arrives they want others to know they're still free and single

Opentooffers · 02/05/2021 01:27

I can understand it would feel odd being 2 extremes. It would put me off a bit, it gives an impression they are embarrassed to be seen with you, not that that's necessarily the case from his POV.

RLEOM · 02/05/2021 01:42

I guess it could depend on the audience? Or they could have social anxiety and worry about being judged by others. Or maybe they're just courteous in front of others? Or they have a dislike of PDA?

However, I've noticed that those who can't bear judgement tend to be shitty people with poor communication skills, which is not good when it comes to resolving conflict etc.

StarlightLady · 02/05/2021 05:45

I quite enjoy someone snogging my head off! But not when l’m out with others. I think that’s inapropriate.

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