Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Here's a question for you.....

18 replies

kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 09:51

Changed name for this but have been on here for yonks.
My Dp of 2 years is in the process of moving house. He is storing some stuff at mine before the house sale goes through.
Years ago he used to work for a large electronic manufacturing company and they would have regular staff sales for electrical goods at cheap prices.
He is out for the day and I have been sorting his stuff to put away in cupboards. This morning I found a his and hers intimate 'massage' set bought from said company in a sale.
It has not been opened or used and in the 2 years we have been together he has never mentioned it . We do use toys btw.

My question is how would you feel about using a toy that was not used but that had not been bought specifically for use between you and your dp/dh?

He said he was not going out with anyone at the time but it was clearly bought in the hope that it would be used at some point.
I dunno I feel a bit odd about it- (not because he bought in the first place. I like toys.)- but that he would like us to use it- because it wasn't bought specifically for 'us' in mind, just some random person who might come along.

What would you do/think in this situation?

OP posts:
Twistered · 01/05/2021 09:55

I don't really see the issue tbh

Dancingsmile · 01/05/2021 09:55

I think you're over thinking this.
Turn it round in your head. He bought it in anticipation that he would meet someone like minded like him and it would be a bit of fun. How lucky he is that you came into his life.

isthismylifenow · 01/05/2021 09:58

Maybe he forgot he had bought it and it was shoved to the back of a cupboard for use one day?

Wanderlusto · 01/05/2021 09:58

I feel more weirded out that he bought it when single tbh. I just had a mental image of him cracking it out during a one night stand and her being like 'where's your bathroom again?' and escaping through the window.

Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 10:07

I think he had just shoved it to the back of the cupboard. I don't have a problem with it as a toy. I dunno as I said it's a toy that wasn't specifically bought for US- me but for use with someone at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 10:09

@isthismylifenow

Maybe he forgot he had bought it and it was shoved to the back of a cupboard for use one day?
yeah- I'm trying to get to that way of thinking. It's no big deal at all really , but I don't know how i feel about using that toy specifically. Then i wondered if most people wouldn't give a toss either way.
OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 01/05/2021 10:09

Given that he didn't know you when he bought it, what's the issue? You do realise he had a sex life before you (I hope!).

Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 10:14

@Sarahlou63

Given that he didn't know you when he bought it, what's the issue? You do realise he had a sex life before you (I hope!).
Of course! The odd thing is that it was me that introduced toys about a year into our relationship. He didn’t seem fussed with them at all. So the fact that he bought it at all in the first place is odd. Confused
OP posts:
LemonTT · 01/05/2021 10:20

He bought or got given something before he met you. He forgot about it or never wanted to use it. Not a lot more to see there.

How you are behaving would be much more of problem for me if I was at the receiving end of it. Personally, I would not be impressed if my DP went for a nosey through my stuff and then posted about it on social media.

Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 10:28

It's not a nosey- it's in a pile of his stuff that in am putting in a cupboard for him so it is not all over the bedroom floor. Its hardly been hidden from view!

OP posts:
Rewis · 01/05/2021 10:47

I really don't see the issue. He bought a toy he liked without anyone in mind. Or even if he had someone in mind, would that really matter? I bought a bottle of wine that include share when a friend came over. I wasn't thinking of a specific friend but it was something I liked the look of.

autumnalrain · 01/05/2021 10:47

God, you sound like a nightmare. You’re truly making a mountain out of a molehill.

Rewis · 01/05/2021 10:48

If you were to get a new partner, would you throw away your toys and get new ones to use with new partner?

Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 10:59

My toys were only ever used by me on me.
Sex toys are hardly the same as sharing a bottle of wine.
If a previous partner had used them with me then I would not feel it ok to ask him use them- I don't think that's fair on him

OP posts:
Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 11:00

interesting replies though. Seems like none of you would care at all, which is fine. I am on the fence about it.

OP posts:
Imjustsootired · 01/05/2021 14:33

I'd wouldn't be bothered as such....he has obviously forgotten it's even there. I understand your feeling though....its just because it's you two now and this wasnt bought for you..... reality check though, it means absolutely nothing. Xxx

Rewis · 01/05/2021 15:48

It's ok to feel weird about it. I just don't personally feel that sex toys are that personal (I mean they are. But i fee the act is more personal than the toy itself). That's why I used the wine comparison. It is an unused toy that he probably wanted to try himself for when he got a partner so it's not like he got a toy for his ex use it on her and then now wants to use it on you eventhough it's not your thing. Funnily enough we do use a you that was purchased by my ex. However, I understand that we have different boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can let him know and he can get rid of it. That's totally fine.

Original poster
kittycrackles · 01/05/2021 17:03

@Rewis thank you🙂. It’s funny how you get to a certain age in life, have lived a lot and dealt with many of life’s conundrums yet are still faced
with ones you has never even thought about. This being one of them- I just didn’t know what I thought or should think even.
It’s good to hear that folk aren’t at all fussed🙂

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page