Debating a third child

[toadstool32]

I'm 33, dh is 40. We have an 11 and 7yo dd. Dh really wants another and I would too however my head is concerned about all of this: age gaps, our own ages, the kids are at private school and we'd struggle for a third set of fees, in time we'd need a 5th bedroom and so bigger house/mortgage.

His counter arguments: isn't concerned about age gaps for the kids, we could always have a 4th (!) so no3 had a buddy. He says it's his last chance at 40. Dd1 wouldn't have long left at school when a third started school so wouldn't be long paying three sets of fees. We've planned on moving in a few years anyway.

I see all his arguments and if it was just down to heart I'd do it, but head says otherwise. How can couples possibly compromise on such a thing? Oh and we're getting a puppy in august!

Why do you need 5 bedrooms for 3 kids?

I'd be more concerned about what you want to do. You've spent all your 20s being a mum and now you could have a chance at having more freedom to pursue a career or interests but having another 1, 2 babies would put you back until your 40-50s.

Strange that you're slacing the kids out so much..

Why on earth do you need 5 bedrooms??
If you have a guest room, that can become a child's bedroom and when you have guests over, your child shares with another child.

Also it's completely normal for children to share bedrooms on a daily basis and helps teach them valuable lessons of being considerate etc.

Spacing children out is perfectly fine! Not everybody sees child rearing as a drudge that needs to be got over with.

Op I think if one partner really wants a baby and the other is sort of ok with it then it's likely you'll end up with a baby

You can clearly afford it. I would get a move on tbh.

@Sakurami I have a career, we both work full time.

Ok well, you can afford to have a 3rd child in a private school for a little while and you can fit another child without needing a 5th bedroom. If you've had 2 kids whilst both working full time, a 3rd won't make any difference. The 11 year old will not need childcare by the time a 3rd baby arrives so there are no practical reasons to not gave another child.

To be honest I'm not sure what you're worried about. I think you should just go for it! It sounds like financially you are secure and both of you want one.
The only issue with large spacing is I think it can impact on the eldest two in terms of opportunities to go on holidays/activities etc with a baby to consider but this wouldn't stop me having a baby that we both wanted as long as you make sure you consider the impact it might have and mitigate it.

@Trumplosttheelection I completely agree. The amount of times I hear people say 'we want to have one soon to get the baby years out the way' I love the baby years and they are even better when you're not run ragged by multiple little ones to attend to. I can see the benefits of siblings close in age for playing, but they can still have a lovely upbringing with bigger gaps too.

I wouldn't. It's you that makes most of the sacrifice.

Plus the environment should be a factor (I'll get slated for saying that but it's true).

Sounds like your H is just thinking it's his last chance rather than anything practical.

Far too many people in the world already.