Just want to walk out and not look back

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Exactly how I feel right now. I just want to walk out and not look back. I am married 7 years. 2 DCs. But so fed up with my husband selfish behaviour. I’m looking forward to when the kids are grown.

I just want to live on my own and be my own person. I’m feeling suffocated.

Has anyone done this once their kids are grown?

question is, can you wait until the kids have grown and continue to suffer?

You don’t mention the ages of your children, but, and I mean this seriously, if you are feeling like this now, why would you want to feel like this for the next however many years till your children are independent? If you can’t see any light in your current setup, if you can’t see any joy, receive little or no respect, are fearful for whatever reason, consider your options. Good luck.

OP, yes, I am doing exactly that now, 25 years of marriage and finally found courage to speak up. But I would also like to ask you to consider if you are willing to wait until the kids are grown up? I would say do it earlier rather then later.

Yes, I did that. My DC were 4 and 1 when I discovered what a shit he was. I made a vow that I would stay, because I believed that children need both parents ( and because he was a good dad despite being a bad husband). I stayed until they were 21 and 17 .

I've never regretted my decision . When I did leave I was fully prepared, and had made my plans so everything went really smoothly. My kids understood why I was going, and we were able to speak about it in an adult manner . Nobody had their life fractured or damaged and I was happy with the whole situation.

I was glad that I didn't leave earlier - my circumstances were not conducive to an easy split . Ex had a job which took him away a lot, and the DC would hardly have seen him if we'd split when they were young . By the time I did leave, things were more manageable and everyone could see each other when they liked.

It has been 17 years now, and both ex and I are remarried and grandparents. I really wouldn't change anything about the way I did it.

In your case, a lot would depend on why you want to make this plan. If your husband is really horrible, I wouldn't recommend staying for another 10 or 15 years. It could be a very miserable and long time for everyone. But if he is just unpleasant and selfish , if he is a good dad, it certainly can be a good thing to play the long game . Just knowing " in 10 / 15 years I'll be gone " can be something to keep in the back of your mind .

I know that a lot of people would say "go now" but do consider all of your options. The ball is your court now, and that in itself can be very comforting !

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Why wait?

How old are your dcs? I left when ds was 3, after ex went abroad with his mates for all of my 7 previous birthdays. There was a lot of other stuff, the birthdays were the final straw.

Ex wasn't a hands-on dad. Ds didn't notice that his dad wasn't around every day because there was little practical change. If I had waited, it would have been much harder. If you are genuinely unhappy, get out as soon as you can.

Thank you to everyone who has replied.

My DCs are almost 7 and nearly 5. I know it’s a really long time to wait. Until they are adults.

@starrynight21 you have just given me hope that’s how it could be for me - waiting for the right time, the children able to decide how and when they have contact.

I hope that getting through the primary school age things will get a bit easier.

Although I am frequently day dreaming about getting my own place. I was looking at properties on Rightmove last night.