How do you think your OH has changed since you've been together?

[Echobelly]

DH and I have been together for 17 years, married for nearly 14.

I think in that time he has lost a lot of the 'status anxiety' he had when we first met and dropped other attitudes he'd perhaps inherited from his mum who is something of a snob and assumes everyone is as judgmental as she is! He sometimes early on in our relationship seemed to get a bit nervous in social situations that I was making the wrong impression on people and being 'too shy' (his mum saw shyness as a terrible sin). It annoyed me but I figured he was just projecting his mum's issues and used to tell him when I thought I was doing just fine thanks! Thankfully he got over that fairly quickly.

He's also got better at managing his temper - he comes from a very shouty family, but he has got way better. He says he credits me with that, which is nice. I never 'took him on as a project to improve' or anything, and I dealt very poorly with his anger initially (getting upset, grovelling, silently fuming). But I think firmly standing up to him and staying calm has taught him there's another way to deal with these feelings.

In 30 years, of course we have both changed. You are bound to grow and develop, and we are lucky that we've changed together I guess.

Like most our age - physically we've both put on weight and his (and mine, now I think about it!) hair is a lot shorter.
We've both got more qualifications and obviously experience at work, and picked up more skills through applying that experience.

I think that is true of life experiences generally - you deal with illnesses, bereavements, set backs and shocks in life and it is bound to have an impact on you. For those of us who have become parents, that is bound to have an impact too. For those of us who have lost our parents and become 'the older generation' in our families, that impacts too.

I don't think there have been any major personality changes for either of us though. Of course there have been spells when we were tired and broke and sleep deprived and worried when our sense of humours got pushed aside a bit and there have been times of immense happiness and also pride and all sort os emotions over all that time.

I think I've become less bothered about pleasing everyone and a bit better at coping with my MIL!

I noticed him lying, usually around money, because he will spend until the money is gone and then get the credit card out.
I want to live within our means and save some money every month, and cut the credit card up.
He developed MH problems so we have to deal with that.