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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need break up with my boyfriend.

21 replies

LysaSwann · 30/04/2021 17:40

I know I must do this, but it's really hard since we've been together for 2 years. He deserves to know that I no longer want to be with him.

I really don't know what to say and how to say it... I've been staring at my phone for the last 3 hours trying to figure out how I should put it and what I should say if he asks for an explanation.

He's my first and I don't want to hurt him.

OP posts:
altlife · 30/04/2021 17:42

Could you explain to him that you no longer feel the same about the relationship?

SummerWaves · 30/04/2021 17:43

Just be as honest as you can x

Anonapuss · 30/04/2021 17:44

You're worrying about something that hasnt happened yet.

Rip the plaster off, tell him kindly but clearly, the weight will lift off your shoulders and you'll feel miles better.

Then youll be free of it all.

Dont waste a moment longer :)

Lozzerbmc · 30/04/2021 17:44

I think you just have to be honest and tell him and end the relationship. Not easy at all, but sometimes things just run their course...

Original poster
LysaSwann · 30/04/2021 17:45

@altlife

Could you explain to him that you no longer feel the same about the relationship?
I'm afraid if I tell him it's because I've met someone else, he's going to feel really bad and I'm worried about his reaction
OP posts:
Kelly345 · 30/04/2021 17:46

Unfortunately you can't really break up with someone and not hurt them. Accept that he's going to be hurt and that's part of breaking up. There isn't an easy way, just be honest and fair but make it clear it is over.

Original poster
LysaSwann · 30/04/2021 18:01

@Kelly345

Unfortunately you can't really break up with someone and not hurt them. Accept that he's going to be hurt and that's part of breaking up. There isn't an easy way, just be honest and fair but make it clear it is over.
If I was able to tell him in person, it would be easier, but I can't so I have to tell him over the phone, and I just know it'll be awkward
OP posts:
SummerWaves · 30/04/2021 18:07

Why cant you tell him in person?

Pyewackect · 30/04/2021 18:10

Why can’t you tell him to his face ?

Dery · 30/04/2021 18:19

Yes, it will hurt but he’ll get over it. At some point in life, most of us have had our hearts broken and most of us have broken someone else’s heart. And often another person is involved.

In fact, these things usually happen a few times in the course of someone’s romantic life. But broken hearts heal. It will take time but he will recover and he will love again.

As to how you tell him - I think voice is important. It doesn’t have to be face to face if that’s not possible. But it should at least involve a conversation.

Elsiebear90 · 30/04/2021 18:24

You should tell him and be honest without being cruel, an ex of mine broke up with me because she met someone else and lied about the reason saying “she wasn’t ready for a relationship” but then two weeks later she was in a relationship with another girl. That just hurt even more. I’m sure she thought she was sparing my feelings, but I would have rather heard the truth.

BlueVelvetStars · 30/04/2021 18:45

Keep it simple precise and clear. Its not working for you anymore. You are ending this now. You don't need big detailed explanations or reasons. Do not engage in debate. It's over for you, sorry, the end 🌸

category12 · 30/04/2021 18:58

Are you afraid of him being angry and doing something violent?
Or are you afraid of him being upset and hurting himself? Or are you just afraid of hurting him?

If you've met someone else, what are you intending - if you're going to start seeing them right away (or are already seeing them) then if your soon to be ex finds out, it might be rougher on him than being told by you. At least knowing you're a cheat or you have your eye on someone else is better than wondering what he did wrong.

Pyewackect · 30/04/2021 19:01

..... does he know the guy you’ve been seeing ?

altlife · 30/04/2021 19:02

Why can't you tell him in person?

Did the new person come about before or after your feelings changed?

Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:07

@SummerWaves

Why cant you tell him in person?
I can't because I've moved abroad for some time and he's working in my home country
OP posts:
Original poster
LysaSwann · 01/05/2021 15:08

@Pyewackect

..... does he know the guy you’ve been seeing ?
No he doesn't
OP posts:
SummerWaves · 01/05/2021 15:12

So your not in the same country? Just tell him the distance thing isnt working and move on?

Sakurami · 01/05/2021 16:10

Just tell him. He'll get over it and the earlier you tell him, the earlier he can move on and find someone else.

I'd be really annoyed if I was waiting for someone who was abroad and they hadn't told me that they no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me.

Feelings change, it's fine. What isn't fine is pretending and cheating. Be honest.

Rewis · 01/05/2021 16:33

Doing it face to face does not make it easier. You dont have to tell him about the other guy. You can tell him the reasons that made you go with the other guy without mentioning him. If he asks, dont lie. Also afterwards be respectful and don't post happy couply pics the next day. Also don't give some bs about wanting to be friends.

Ninkanink · 01/05/2021 16:49

You don’t need to tell him about the other person.

You just need to be truthful - you no longer feel the same way.

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