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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Passive aggressive sister

8 replies

Mouscadoo · 29/04/2021 21:38

So I posted a couple weeks ago asking whether I was being unreasonable to ask my sister to give me some notice when she is calling to my house. I had moved in the past 6 months and she had started turning up unannounced more frequently so I sent a very pleasant message asking her could she just let me know beforehand. She was knocking on the windows, came in the back door etc. The thing is she would hate if I did this to her. She hates unexpected visitors so I always ask first if she is available and never just turn up at her door. I have a 14 month old and she has two older kids.

Anyway, she seemed fine initially with my request but then proceeded to give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks ignoring my messages. She eventually broke this when I outright asked her was she ignoring me (I feel stupid for doing this in hindsight). She messaged back and said no everything was fine. Now bear in mind, me and my sister are like best friends. Spoke several times a week. I have always been there for her and she has been there for me.

Since then I have tried to arrange to meet and she has been very vague with the details and never followed up despite me saying what days suit me etc. For example i messaged Sunday and asked could I pop down to her one morning during the week, she said that she was doing her garden and that maybe Thursday or Friday and she would message me Wednesday evening. I said ya Thursday or Friday suit me and a few more messages and she never opened the messages and didn't message me back.

I am really hurt that she could ignore me for weeks and also angry that it feels like she is just cutting me off. I have never dealt with this and am so baffled as to what to do. I know there is nothing I can do so I suppose this is just more looking for some support maybe.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 30/04/2021 00:58

She’s being an arse with the hope you say you miss her and it opens the floodgates again. Ignore it for a while longer

Northernparent68 · 30/04/2021 05:35

I’d say it was a form of emotional abuse, I think it’s time to start distantancing yourself.

updownroundandround · 30/04/2021 06:40

If she's never done this kind of behaviour before, I'd be asking her straight out.

A direct ''Why are you not reading or answering my texts ? Is something wrong ?''

It might just be a coincidence that she's not answering you eg she's got trouble with her kids or she's unwell (and doesn't want anyone to know yet) etc

You know her best, just ask her and judge her response.

KatherineJaneway · 30/04/2021 06:44

I'd have a direct conversation with her about it. Seems too much of a coincidence for her to go unusually silent on for it to be unrelated. Give her a call and speak on the phone, don't text. It's the only way you'll be able to start to clear the air.

Has she done this to you before?

Toilenstripes · 30/04/2021 09:20

It sounds like you unintentionally hurt her feelings. Maybe just have a chat and let her know how much you love her.

Mouscadoo · 30/04/2021 09:27

I definitely believe its related and she can't confront the issue so she's pretending like its fine whilst at the same time not seeing me and not contacting me. We would see each other and speak regularly and I know she has since met up with my other sister in the time that I have asked to meet up. Just so hurtful. Thanks everyone for your responses, just feeling shit over it and not a clue what the best thing is to do. It really feels like shes punishing me because I put up a boundary with her

OP posts:
P1ainJanine · 30/04/2021 16:05

It really feels like shes punishing me because I put up a boundary with her

I'd say that's exactly what she's doing.

P1ainJanine · 30/04/2021 16:06

Just to add, does she usually like to be the one "in control" of your relationship?

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