Only been 3 years but already feels like a lifetime

[ZacsMum143]

Dunno whether its period hormones but I just feel so overwhelmingly sad. I come home and told OH but as always couldn't really care but I told him what was bothering me anyway while he spent the time staring into his phone nodding. He then later started to throw everything I said in my face and put me down. I still went to him for comfort as I have no one else to go to. I hate my life, I hate my relationship with OH its physically and mentally abusive and I'm just at the point where I'm just done. I just cant go on, I'm crying as I write this and all I wanted when i got home was a hug but all i got was a narcissist enjoying my suffering

Then leave

You poor love. Can you get any counselling through work to help you find the strength to leave? I think you'd be better off without him but I know leaving what's familiar is difficult. Sending hugs.

bumping for you.

Do you have DC together. Do you own or rent the house. Leave if he is physically abusive.

Can you leave? Stay with a relative?

Please leave. Your long term happiness depends on it.

Its not possible to have a relationship with a narcissist and the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

@Tarragonvinegar thank you for the hug

Leaving someone is not as easy as just leaving theres so much to consider especially if you never intend to return, even for belongings.

I am a working professional, and the saddest thing is I support vulnerable individuals. There is something in my head that makes me feel like I am not good enough and that I'm stupid to just up and leave because I won't be able to function independently.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I dont quite know but I've always been told in every aspect of my life that I could do better or that i have so much potential but lack confidence. Sometimes I hate myself because I know if I had good people around me I could have done so much better in life, I could have been someone. I just live a very mediocre life where i have be content with the basics

How old are you? You are never too old to reach higher.

You are someone though!!!.

Re this part of your comment:-
"I dont quite know but I've always been told in every aspect of my life that I could do better"

Who told you that, your parents?. If so that sort of damaging stuff sticks and that is probably as well why you got into a relationship with this man in the first place.

How did you internalise the message that you're not good enough?. Again your parents may have played a role here in this.

I would suggest you seek therapy to unlearn all the crap and to also go onto rebuild your life without this man in it. You hold down a responsible job and you can indeed function independently; you've just been browbeaten by various abusive people into thinking otherwise.

Please also look into contacting Womens Aid too.

The thing is op, you know what he is so you must know it'll never get any better if you stay. Plenty of people stay with narcissists. Because they have no idea a. What a narcissist is and b. That their partner is one.

If you know what a narcissist is and how completely callous and empty they are and always will be, then you have an advantage over all those poor souls already. You should be moving heaven and earth to escape! You realise surely that the need you have to go to your abusers for comfort - is something he has manufactured and will only ever be used to punish you. That you will never escape unless you choose to.

No one is going to save you op. But you can save yourself. You just have to choose it. So choose it.

How old are you? Do you live together?

I know it feels overwhelming to leave but you can and you'll be happier for it

Leaving someone is not as easy as just leaving theres so much to consider especially if you never intend to return, even for belongings.

No, it is not always easy to leave but the situation you are in sounds toxic and you will only feel worse if you stay and get treated like dirt.

I'd recommend talking to Women's Aid