Peri menopause & relationships

[lucy5236]

Maybe a bit of a personal question but for those going through/been through peri menopause how did it effect your relationship?

I'm not there yet but 2 of my friends were chatting about 'the rage' and mood swings earlier and how much they feel like they hate their husbands. They're actually in pretty happy marriages. So now I'm worried about if my relationship will survive.

Been together as a couple for 3 years and it can be a bit up & down (various reasons).

Have you found it as bad as I've heard and am now fearing??

Pretty much over menopause been nearly two years. I wanted to kill my husband every time I could hear him breathe. I feel I have no empathy to anyone. Everyone and everything annoyed me. I wanted to crawl out of my ow.n skin and my kids wondered who the hell I was. I can't imagine dating with all the bloatedness sore Boobs and rages. Good luck to you lol.

I am about two years post menopause now. Other than hot flushes, it didn’t effect me at all, definitely did not effect my relationship.

Absolute blinding rages, anxiety especially at night (never really had anxiety prior to peri so it was really discombobulating), bizarrely really bad anxiety when being driven by someone else (?!), night sweats (yay!), weight gain (double yay), thinning hair, being exhausted, absolutely zero tolerance for bullshit and a general (very freeing) no longer giving a rat’s ass so not having a problem with speaking up (which is something I’ve spent years having an issue with!). I totally agree with the stopping nurturing side of not having “mum hormones”.

My DH has been brilliant with it 😃 I remember one day before I started HRT being really angry (for no reason) and talking to DH about it. I went from raging to hysterical laughing at how ridiculous it all was to crying within 5 mins. At that point we both realised it was going to take control (from me) and lots of understanding (from him). He knows when it’s my hormones and manages not to put every upset down to peri (he knows it won’t end well).

I don’t think you’re going to know how peri will affect you until it does. Exercise, supplements etc probably aren’t going to help. I knew pretty much nothing about peri (I thought it was just the menopause) before I started having the first symptoms. Start reading so you know the signs then if you do want to bury DH under the patio for no apparent reason you’ll be able to talk yourself down. You might have all the symptoms, you might have none. HRT has been a godsend for me but it doesn’t always help. Knowledge is your friend!

Apart from the Caitlin Moran article, what else would PP recommend reading?

I'm getting the rage on and off, but I think my tolerance to put up with crap declined drastically after DC2 and it's more to do with that. Don't think it's peri yet but I suppose I won't know. Definitely related to sleep, which I sometimes lack d/t work and another stressful issue going on at the moment. Reduced sleep = raging squirrel guaranteed the next day!

Reading your posts is enlightening, thank you :)

I left my DH, but it wasn't a sudden decision, things hadn't been right for years, but I finally had enough. Right choice? Who knows! I think so.

I have no idea if that was menopause related or whether just that he was a git.

I'm less moody than I've ever been which is having a positive effect on my relationships. I had horrendous periods and pmt all my life though so so thankfully I seem to be getting a bit of a break from it now. My short term memory is shot to fuck though.

Thanks everyone! So good to hear all the different views, I guess it's different for everyone but nice to know we're not alone & there is hope!!

I’ve felt almost zero emotions lately and definitely been standing up for myself my god it’s amazing bloody love it
I will take anyone down with my no shit attitude , very empowering
Also I binned the husband and haven’t felt a thing ...

@lucy5236

Thanks both! Good to know it's not inevitable 🤞🏼

Not inevitable at all, everyone is different.

The only symptoms I ever had were hot flushes in the evening and one late at night. Oh and change in periods of course.

It all depends on how your mid life partner is with his middle years .

Work career progression teenagers health scares elderly parents bereavements all take their toll.

Maintaining your relationship takes a lot of time and effort and too often if you take your eye off the ball it’s bad news .

Having said that women post meno seem to gain a new confidence and set out the really live their last decades.