How do you know when it's the end?

[whatdooidoo]

I think I need to leave my DH. I don't want to put my children through it. How do you decide what's best?

DH and I have had a few issues in the past couple of years, we've been in couples counselling since Christmas. I've recently spent some time away, come home a few days ago and it's like a wave of sadness has hit. I missed my DC terribly, and of course I'm happy to see them. But everything else fills me with dread. DH isn't a bad man and the guilt I feel for putting them all through this is horrendous.

My parents are divorced. It can be incredibly difficult on the children and parents. I don't want to not see my children.

How on earth do you weigh up what the right thing to do is?

I have been the child who's parents stayed together for me. I knew it at the time and I definitely know it now as they've long since told me. I wish they'd split and spared themselves and me the heartache.

Children need happy parents OP whether that’s married or divorced

I guess you know its the end when you can no longer try. It sounds like you have and that the relationship is at the end. Our DCs are happy if we are arent they.

Perhaps its best to end it now before things are more difficult? Have you talked about splitting up and told him how you feel? Would he leave so DCs can stay in family home?

I don't know if the timing is ever right?

I would need to leave here.

I divorced myself.

I was a child whose parents stayed together for me.

My children have two happy parents and two happy step parents. 50/50 care. Two happy homes. Everyone gets together for birthdays etc. Joint gifts.

I still have two married unhappy bickering parents who don't like each other.

When you avoid going home and your heart sinks as you pull on the drive. Thats a big sign for me x

Why would you need to leave the family home?

Timing is never right, I think it depends on whether things are fixeable and whether you want to try and get through this. Having kids would make me try harder than if I didn’t but no relationship should be at the expense of being happy in the long term.

Don’t do anything before getting some good legal advice btw...

I knew when I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. I had the same concerns as you but staying together had become untenable, so I had to tell him it was over.

2.5 years later, the kids are happy and settled and are used to living at both homes. It would have been worse for them if we’d stayed together, living in a tense and unhappy household.

My parents stayed together for me and my sibling’s sake and it was honestly a relief when they finally split up.

When you avoid going home and your heart sinks as you pull on the drive. Thats a big sign for me @anxietyanonymous
I do this every day. Every day after work I sit in the car park for half an hour, torn between knowing the kids will be waiting for me, and not wanting so spend any more time than necessary in the presence of dh. I was going to say 'with dh' but changed it, he's there but we're not with each other by any means. I am completely checked out, but I can't face going through with a massive change. I'm now sitting upstairs and can hear the sound of his endless bloody politics programmes drifting up the stairs from the telly. I don't want this for the next forty years of my life, but I want my kids to have a stable family home. I never put myself first, and I always think I shouldn't, but something has to change. I've let a lovely chance of something slip away, and I am getting more resentful by the day stuck with a man who wants the wife and kids lifestyle, but doesn't put any effort into any of it. He will put on a show if his family are around and will play with the kids for five minutes, but normal service quickly resumes and he's back lying on the sofa for hours on end. And as for me as his wife, he certainly doesn't show any interest in me as a woman. I might as well go round with a bag over my head. When you feel like this maybe it's time to go. When you've felt like this for years it's time to go. I know how hard it is @whatdooidoo but only you know if you can do it or not. I want to change my life. I feel invisible and unfulfilled, and by God I need the touch of a man before I die ffs. Good luck x

When you want to smother him with a pillow in his sleep?

But seriously though. Staying together for the kids is really not the right thing to do. You will be miserable, and so will they. And don't think of it as not seeing your kids all the time. Think of it as getting a little holiday from them every week or whatever it might be, where you have time to yourself - develop new interests, meet friends, go to the gym, whatever floats your boat!

Good luck whatever you decide.