Am I being a bitch?

[nolovelost]

Been trying to do online dating for years! Got talking to a man yesterday, we both, sounded nice, interested in me, good conversation and grammar etc.

We chatted on and off from mid afternoon onwards and his last message was about 8.30 last night, to which I didn't respond to as I was at work and then went to bed. Thought I'd message him today which I did about 1.30.

He said he thought he'd done something wrong, so I replied why would you think that....( even at this point I thought, I'm not sure I like this already...I'm not glued to my phone and considering that I'd only got chatting to him the same day.. I thought it was a bit weird. He replied "I guess cos I've missed chatting to you lol"

It's really put me off. Would it put you off?

I'd have probably replied at 8.30 that you were off to work or whatever, not suddenly stopped replying

I think you were a bit rude to just suddenly not reply for 18 hours to be honest.

His reply seems a bit much.

If you were mid-conversation, seems a bit off to just stop answering and not quickly go "work now, catch ya later" or something.

So bit torn.

I wouldn’t think anything of someone messaging me the next day like you did OP, he sounds far far far too needy for me and I couldn’t be arsed with that. Plus the pulling you up on it is weird!

I'd be ok with him making this comment once, but it would be off putting if he keeps expecting me to reply quickly.

It is odd to suddenly stop replying without saying goodbye. I’d not class you as a bitch for that though, your communication styles are just different.

@Sammiesnake nothing wrong at all in telling a prospective partner that you’re upset at something. Communication is what makes a relationship, he’s said that he felt he’d done something wrong and it opens up an avenue of communication into things even if it’s just for op to say that she isn’t glued to her phone or doesn’t view text conversations the same way as face to face interactions. They understand each other better and proceed from there. Really bloody weird that you’d think it isn’t normal to communicate your feelings with someone.

Yes it would.

Yeah it would give me the ick to be honest

Yeah, that would make me a bit contemptuous TBH. It's a bit 14 year-old girly.

It would put me off, but your rudeness, at not even saying you were done for the night, would put me off you. The fact he is still keen if a bit of a red flag.

Thanks for the replies.

There wasn't really much converasation in the end. I've been messaging guys like that in the past, they've tailed off but then gone to message me the next day, and I much prefer that. I can't stand constant typing for hours. I suppose I could have come up with an excuse, but didn't feel it neccessary. We'd only just started messaging that day, it feels weird to be texting goodnight and good morning and all that after so little time.

I had one guy complain that I was so slow with replying if it wasn't within literally 5 minutes. I guess I've had so many negative experiences, it's so easy to tell the weird ones! I feel that this one would be hard work?

See how it goes. You've only been texting one day and you both don't know enough about each other to determine what anyone's true intentions were. I wouldn't overthink it for now. No relationship is perfect from day one which is why there is a dating period to get to know a person.

Go with your gut.

Yeah this would piss me off. OK maybe you should say that you’re done for the night etc but I think it’s perfectly normal that you didn’t. Most OLD text convos are disjointed. The fact that he’s mentioned it and clearly wants reassurance or to make sure you don’t do it again is hugely offputting. You are a stranger to him, he shouldn’t be so bothered.
Someone I was chatting to once challenged me on why I had asked him a question and said goodnight in the same message. It put me off massively. I have better things to do that exchange endless messages with a demanding stranger.

At least his reply didn’t start with ‘you (should’ve/ didn’t whatever) but instead he said how he felt. Depends whether you think he’s nice I guess.

Oh god I'd find you annoying. If you were in a real time convo then it's polite to say you're off to do something else otherwise he's expecting you to message the rest of the night. I don't think it's needy to expect manners and consideration

I don't think you were a bitch, but it's odd to be having a text conversation to then just not reply? If you were talking to one another you wouldn't just hang up, you wouldn't just exit stage left if you were together?!

I'm guessing his response was awkward because he didn't just want to say he'd been enjoying chatting and then you suddenly disappeared.

@ConfusedAdultFemale Naa not weird to find it strange that anyone says they miss texting you after one day especially if it’s linked in with pulling you up on not texting back to their liking. They only started chatting online one day ago - he has absolutely no say on whether or not she should text him back. He has total free choice to text her back or not - she had the same. They shouldn’t be pulling each other up on how often/ when they reply. It’s too much, too soon and it does strike me as very needy and odd. However, plenty of people are just needy and odd so there’ll be lots of these people around for him to engage with.

OP, trust your instinct and you’ll never be far off.

Sounds clingy 😬