My mum never wanted me & neither did my dad

[LemonOrangepea]

I'm feeling down & miserable today. This manifests as bad body pain. I've nothing to ask really. I'm just having a moan. If you come from a good family with loving parents, you've won the lottery in life. Every day I remember I have no family to go back to. No one to visit. No one who's there for me sharing a common history. This never goes away through life. Every decade the same. Nothing replaces that early lost base. It leaves me feeling so low.
For clarity, I was fostered & that wasn't great.

I am so sorry you have had this in your life. There is no doubt it causes a visceral and deep pain for people.

I think you are totally allowed to feel sad.

I hope you can also somehow come to terms with it, and do work to 'make it go away' as much as possible. Because it is possible to not let it be a constant pain for you.

Many people develop some form of surrogate parents in these circumstances - mentors, role models, people they can rely on. You can have people in your life who you can rely on. I am in no way saying it is a direct replacement for what many lucky people have with their parents, but it can go some way to giving you a sense of belonging.

I don't know what happened with your parents, but part of this is about forgiving them for their massive huge imperfections. And not for their sake, for your own. People make huge mistakes sometimes and that is on them, but for your own mental health and wellbeing, holding feelings of anger or resentment forever will just harm you further.

Psychoanalysis is the best way to tackle this situation. Gift yourself with the time to do that

I've translated some research on the subject of adult care leavers and so many have the same experience; it is very sad.
Have you got any contact with other people in the same situation?
Were you fostered with other children that you could get in touch with?
www.careleavers.com/adult/

It makes sense you feel like that. You didn't deserve it and it wasn't your fault.

But i completely understand the impact it has had on you.

I'm really sorry that this has been your experience OP, and it's not surprising that it has affected you so profoundly. The feeling of being sort of untethered must be very difficult to come to terms with - it isn't how things are supposed to be and it's not fair that this is how your life has been.

I'm sure you know this already, but none of your experience is a reflection on you or indicative of any failures or deficiencies on your part. The adults in your early life failed you and there is nothing you could have done as a child to "deserve" or be responsible for not having functional, loving parents. I hope that you are able to go easy on yourself today and that tomorrow is better.

I am an only dc and I was an accident..
Been nc with both of them since early 20's. No loss. Been difficult forming decent relationships and made bad choices. Repercussions I guess...
Sorry you feel rubbish op...

I'm sorry you feel this way OP and it's understandable that you do.

I don't have experience of being in care so I wouldn't want to pretend to understand where you are as that would be very unfair to you and your experience. I have my mum but I have no relationship whatsoever with my dad and all of his side of the family as he, and they, has done some absolutely shocking things throughout my life. I often feel very sad when I look at my DH with our children and how loving he is with them and how is would walk the earth for them, and then I see what I didn't / don't have.

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad op, I too don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, although one of my parents was adopted and I know it affected them deeply. (older siblings told me)
I lost both my parents at a very early age and know the feeling of not being able to share the important life events with them. It makes you very aware of others good fortune in having great support, I used to be very jealous of other mothers having moms, my parents never saw my children.
It may well help seeing a therapist, you have obviously been through so much and on your own, I bet your friends think you are so strong but I get you, every now and then you need a moan.
You are remarkable and I respect you.
xx