Hello everyone,
So I have an interesting story to tell you, and perhaps you wise ladies can provide your opinions on the matter, and perhaps any advise you can give.
After many years of being miserable in my marriage to a narcissistic man, on the day of my 32nd birthday in July I grew the courage to kick him out.
It ended up in a physical altercation which he was ultimately arrested for. First arrest but second assault. The day was the most shocking but equally wonderful day. Now this man is nice whilst he gets what he wants, but when he doesn't then you're the worst.
He was slapped with a DVPN for 28 days, after this whilst there was no interest in resuming our marriage, for the sake of our two children I had an amicable relationship toward him. As though we had been lifelong friends.
However, what I did not realize was that under the surface he had decided now was the time to befriend my brothers. One of my brothers sided with that creature, although my brother had never liked him. Ultimately this caused a huge family bust up. My children no longer see their uncle, and my parents no longer speak to either of their sons. I speak to one of my brothers.
I still managed to get past that for the children, unbeknown he was still going at it. Telling his stories for sympathy.
During this time I met a wonderful person, who is the opposite of the husband, he is kind caring and attentive. Something I have never experienced.
My husband insisted that we put the children first (naturally) and that any relationships come second to them. I was open with him, said I had a boyfriend, gave him the most basic details about him. After all, his children were going to be around this man so it was only decent to reassure him that his children were perfectly fine.
There were occasions where the ex asked if I had seen him lately, and one occasion where he had asked if we had sex. I had to remind him it wasn't any of his business.
It didn't occur to me at the time how wonderfully timed these questions were, until a mutual friend of ours came and told me intimate details that no one could have known...except for my neighbour. He told me that my ex had been told by my neighbour when my boyfriend was coming, and when we had had sex.
Now you are likely wondering how my neighbour would know such things? She was a good friend of mine. A confidant. A person who I considered like family.
Come end of November, my uncle informs me that the ex is telling everything to my brother, who then has relayed it to my uncle.
He tells me 'he is shagging the neighbour' and at that moment, you are in disbelief. 'Nah, no way, she is my friend. She wouldn't do that.'
Well, as it turns out she did. I noticed the difference in behaviour, how she no longer replied to my WhatsApps, so then I knew. But I kept my mouth shut.
Around two weeks before Christmas, the ex rings me and tells me to bring our youngest indoors and lock it because my neighbours husband has attacked him with a baseball bat. Karma was on it's way.
I had a huge bust up with the ex, and told him for the sake of his children and hers, not to go near her. Ultimately these neighbouring children who were the best of friends, ended up in some weird dynamic and it has affected their friendship.
Of course, the ex still went there.
She has tried to get me in trouble with the police over ridiculous stuff, such as where my CCTV angles...which she perfectly knows where it films.
Come to the week before Christmas, where he was told he wasn't welcome to my door, that he was no longer allowed to contact me in any way other than email and on a Monday, as per police advice.
He turns up the following day. Benefit of the doubt given that he had not seen the email.
That was the last the children and I saw of him for three months. During these three months however, whilst neglecting his children, he was going next door. Literally, the door beside mine. I come to the conclusion he must really like the houses down my road.
Come the end of Feb, her husband calls me and asks to meet. So I do. We have a chat, see how each other are doing and discover my ex tested positive within days of seeing our children. This was when I found out the details of what had occurred.
Apparently the neighbour didn't appreciate my talking to her husband, whilst she was having sex with mine and proceeds to call the police about my CCTV again, and throws shoes over my fence. At this point, she calls my employer making safeguarding allegations to try to get me the sack. Thankfully that was not the case, and it was all logged via the police as harassment. I received verbal abuse via social media from her sister. Father of the year turns up at my doorstep and refuses to leave until the police arrived and told him to stay away.
It all went quiet for a few weeks, before being ambushed outside my house, huffing and puffing at me as though I'd been the one to steal her husband. Again, astonished at how she can have sexual relations with my ex, but how dare I talk to hers. I politely reminded her I got rid of my husband, it is true what they say. One mans rubbish, is another mans treasure... or in this case a consolation prize because her husband no longer wanted her.
How dare I stop him from seeing his children.... which was news to me because I had emailed him multiple times to ask why he wasn't seeing the children, to which I got no response. There was so much she said that astounded me, and concerned me. Sulphuric acid. I asked my ex if he could get me some for the toilets at some point last year. He knew plumbers. Toilets both him and she both knew that kept backing up. However, that somehow was manipulated into my asking for it to throw at her.
Needless to say, I would not do such a thing, but common sense would not be asking your ex who could grass you up. I think both lack some brain cells.
By the 1st April, this delightful man was sent divorce papers, and had received them. Which to this day has still failed to sign, whilst telling me multiple times how happy he is with her. Now... surely as you've got no assets to split... and you're that happy with your current squeeze...wouldn't you be in a rush to sign these papers?
Thankfully I have a solicitor who will push through the divorce on my behalf so I get my freedom from him.
My last problem is the neighbour, and my children. Would you say it is hugely inappropriate for the father to strike up relations with the neighbour? What would his intentions be? Part of me does think it was instigated through spite. Of all the women in the town I live in, and he knows a lot of them. To shack up with the woman who lives beside your wife, who was also good friends with your wife? A nice attempt at revenge, or control?
My childrens home isn't their safe space, and it certainly isn't mine. They have to witness him spending time next door, and my eldest is particularly upset about it. His dad not seeing him enough, and now his dad is seeing his best friend more than him.
The day his dad was prancing around her garden showboating at how wonderful he was fixing her fence (I never knew he knew how to use a hammer...and he certainly didn't know how to use a hoover) my son wouldn't go out in the garden because he dad was next door. 'I love my dad but I hate him' he says 'He doesn't spend time with us but goes round there and sees them'
I feel sad for my children. We are all entitled to move on and have partners, but I can't help but feel the choice in his new partner, the location and the relation to us, that it is anything but fair on our children. I kicked him out to only find out he has gone next door.
How would you feel, and what would you do?