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Original poster

I think I met someone but his wife *just* left - help!

43 replies

Mandalayblonde · 27/04/2021 20:24

Obligatory caveats: I namechanged for this (naice ham), am not in UK and Fuck Off Daily Mail...

So I met someone this week at a work event through a colleague I know well. He and I have briefly crossed paths before but not really connected. Until yesterday and today when I felt suddenly felt a definite spark and was pretty sure that it was reciprocated. BUT according to our mutual friend his marriage has been on the rocks for the last six months and his wife packed up and left for another city just this weekend. For full transparency, she apparently is 15 years younger and left him after 20 years for another woman. (Not necessarily relevant but part of the context).

I'm mid 40s, single no kids, I think he's a few years older with kids at Uni. I very rarely feel a connection to someone. I'm back home now and wondering what (if anything) to do. I guess with his situation being so new (and there being a work link, though indirectly) I just have to sit this out and wait and see whather he acts on this at all (or not).

But I'm lying here awake feeling terrible about what he's going through and wishing I could help.

Has anyone been through similar and had it work out? How? Help!

OP posts:
wizzywig · 27/04/2021 20:26

If he is in his mid40s, and she is 15yrs younger and they've been together for 20yrs, then she was a teenager when they met? That would put me off as it is

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 27/04/2021 20:28

You really don't want to be the rebound shag.

Aprilx · 27/04/2021 20:29

I think I would just leave this one alone to be honest. It doesn’t seem like the right time for him and nothing much to go on anyway.

CallmeHendricks · 27/04/2021 20:30

Park it and perhaps revisit the idea some months ahead.

Aprilx · 27/04/2021 20:30

Just seen above, yes and according to your timings he was in his 30s dating a teenager, no thank you.

isthismylifenow · 27/04/2021 20:32

Do not get involved with anyone who isn't at least a year post breakup. For your own sake.

Doona · 27/04/2021 20:35

So she's not the mother of his kids? If he's 50, she's 35 and they're at uni.

AdaColeman · 27/04/2021 20:36

Steer well clear, it will all end in tears, most likely your own. Forget "wishing I could help" you're not a Saint Bernard rescue dog are you?

wizzywig · 27/04/2021 20:36

You're already throwing too much emotion after 1 meeting. Why are you wide awake feeling terrible?

SelkieIntegrated · 27/04/2021 20:39

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

You really don't want to be the rebound shag.
yEH THIS.

Wait and see what you really mean to him. Wait. Do nothing. Read. Work. Eat. Sleep. Do yoga. Ring your friends. Watch netflix. Paint. Run.

Do not sit around thinking about what might happen next.

Believe me, I'm not judging. I learnt the hard way to let men come to you and even then, assess properly.

Doona · 27/04/2021 20:40

No wait, she must be at least 40, and him 55, because they were together 20 years. So she could have had kids when she was 20 and 22, say, that are now at uni.

Original poster
Mandalayblonde · 27/04/2021 20:40

@Doona

So she's not the mother of his kids? If he's 50, she's 35 and they're at uni.

Yes I think your ages are about right and there was a typo should say 10 years not 20, his first wife (mother of children) passed away when they were small

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 27/04/2021 20:44

It's not your job to fix him, you ain't a rehab centre. Why on earth would you be so worried about him after one meeting. Seriously he has just split after a 20 year relationship, if you want drama, stress and heartbreak go there if you don't, well don't. I'd be giving it an extremely wide berth.

TillyTopper · 27/04/2021 20:55

He's probably lining you up for a shag now he's split up. You may well feel a connection because he's made a massive effort. My advice would be avoid and run for the hills!

SirGawain · 27/04/2021 20:57

@ALittleBitConfused1

It's not your job to fix him, you ain't a rehab centre. Why on earth would you be so worried about him after one meeting. Seriously he has just split after a 20 year relationship, if you want drama, stress and heartbreak go there if you don't, well don't. I'd be giving it an extremely wide berth.
^^ This! Been there. got the T-Shirt together with a lot of pain>.
Rainbowqueeen · 27/04/2021 21:01

You need to start thinking about men in terms of what they can offer you not what you can help them with.
Right now this guy can offer you nothing but a quick shag. He needs to be focused on his kids and the logistics of ending his marriage. Also on grieving his marriage.

Let him get on with that

Butwasitherdriveway · 27/04/2021 21:04

@Aprilx

Just seen above, yes and according to your timings he was in his 30s dating a teenager, no thank you.
Erm.. How?
PriestessofPing · 27/04/2021 21:06

Well maybe this is the first time he’s been ‘free’ to connect with someone else. But a couple of days after his wife leaves him for someone else would be a rebound. If you want to have some fun and be part of someone’s rebound then crack on if he shows more interest but if you really like him then park it for now is my advice.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2021 21:10

Why would you want to "help" him and how do you possibly think you could do this? A helpful shag? Confused

You should be looking for a partner, not a project.

Butwasitherdriveway · 27/04/2021 21:11

Honestly?

Don't do it.

You sound like a fixer. If you like him thats fine but it doesn't sound like that.

toocold54 · 27/04/2021 21:19

But I'm lying here awake feeling terrible about what he's going through and wishing I could help.

I feel like you’re trying to get in there when he’s down/feeling vulnerable but honestly that isn’t the best way to go. Hold out until he’s got his head sorted and then see where it goes else he’ll end up stringing you along and get back with her or someone else.

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2021 21:28

I think you’re over invested to an extent, I’m sorry, but that’s a bit creepy. Why are you laying there feeling terrible about what he’s going through and wanting to help him with his marriage ending, he’s a stranger to you, a loose acquaintance you’ve met a couple of times.

I get you fancy him and desperately want something with him, but honestly that’s just too much.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/04/2021 21:36

But I'm lying here awake feeling terrible about what he's going through and wishing I could help.
You've briefly crossed paths in the past and this is how you feel? Really? Are you after him for a relationship or a project. I'd leave well alone, but more for his sake tbh.

B1rdflyinghigh · 27/04/2021 22:11

Leave the freshly separated men alone. They need to find their way first. They don't really know what they want. Don't even dabble there.

MrsMaizel · 27/04/2021 22:17

But I'm lying here awake feeling terrible about what he's going through and wishing I could help

Really @Mandalayblonde ???

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