Previous abusive relationships and constant dreams.

[spideyplant]

Does anyone else struggle with CONSTANT dreams/nightmares after an abusive relationship.
Was with ex for 7 years. He was more emotionally abusive, but it was physical on a few occasions.
The main thing was that I felt like I was trapped. I wasn't earning enough on my own to pay the rent and bills so instead of losing the house I took him back 20+ times over the years.
I'm married now to the loveliest person and we have 2 kids, but I'm plagued by constant dreams about my ex.
Mainly dreams where I'm trapped and can't get away, or dreams with his family in, or dreams where he's chasing me and trying to catch me and I'm petrified or dreams where I'm watching our relationship and I'm trying my hardest to escape it but wherever I go he finds me.
I've not so much as bumped into him in the past 8 years so I'm not sure if it's a form of ptsd or something as it was honestly the worst time of my life.
Any tips on stopping the constant dreams and nightmares about him?

It's not even just the dreams about him, the day after the dream it's stuck in my head and effects my whole day and mood.

It takes time. Have you ever had trauma counselling to help you process the experience?

No I've never had counselling. I've been on sertraline for years following it.
I guess that I've always told myself that it wasn't "that bad" so I didn't need counselling.
I think maybe I do though.

This is a really normal trauma response. What you're experiencing is emotional flashbacks. You're obviously asleep when you're having them.

EMDR is very effective for this kind of stuff. If you can find a trauma counsellor who is training in it and have some sessions with them, they're likely to diminish and in time disappear.

Thank you.
I'll look into that.
I just want them to stop. I feel really disloyal dreaming about an ex from 8 years ago constantly.
I also wonder if I've not given myself time to process it all.
I fled abusive partner and within a week I met my lovely husband.

Don't beat yourself up about any of it. Your abusive ex really frightened you and you haven't processed it yet. It happens to lots of people and many live with it for years and years. You should congratulate yourself for reaching out to get help now.

Good luck 🍀

I'm having counselling for the same issue.

They suggested thinking about things for 1/2 an hour a day so my subconscious doesn't do it at bedtime. It's really helped!

Thanks @chocolatealldaylong I'll try that today!