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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this because of lockdown

9 replies

Scorpioscorpio · 27/04/2021 07:43

As my partner is blaming lockdown but I’m not sure. Things have came to a head over something silly but ultimately him talking to me like crap. When I had enough of being upset I made noises about how I’m fed up living like this and he said it’s lockdown, he’s sorry and it’ll be better once things get back to normal.

I get it it’s hard we both work feom home, have two children and things are monotonous. Previous to lockdown however we had other issues but I can see why he’s struggling more.

He said nothing brings him joy and he doesn’t enjoy going to the safari (something we done recently). He finds it boring and he needs more to life. Before covid he travelled a lot with work, lots of drinking, socialising and nights out. That brought its own issues as he would be disrespectful to me during these times with staying out all night partying and lying about things.

Now that’s stopped it seems he might be depressed without that life. He doesn’t feel fulfilled doing the family stuff that I have always had to do. And it shows. I feel like I’m forcing him to be with us, do stuff with us and enjoy me and the kids.

I’m feeling a bit deflated after another day where I’m in tears and feeling depressed by the way he speaks to me.

Intimacy is at a real low. He doesn’t even try now which is unusual for him. He still has the desire to however, just not with me seemingly.

I don’t know whether to wait it out as lockdown may be making things worse or whether just to take the first step to build a happy future for me and the kids. We have been together 12 years, both work full time.

OP posts:
category12 · 27/04/2021 07:49

Overall it's not a great picture, is it?

I'd be sort of sympathetic to him because obviously lockdown and the pandemic have been hard on everyone, and he might be struggling with his MH. But he shouldn't be taking it out on you.

But he doesn't sound a great husband to you in normal times either. So really, do you want to continue dealing with his crap? Cos once things are all opened up again, presumably he'll be back to getting up to god knows what at night again.

Cam2020 · 27/04/2021 07:52

Lockdown has been hard in everyone and I'm sure lots if relationships have suffered, vut it sounds like he was disrespectful to you before any if this happened. He also siunds like he's only happy when he's getting his own way and doing what makes him happy vs what makes your family happy.

Sparklfairy · 27/04/2021 07:56

That brought its own issues as he would be disrespectful to me during these times with staying out all night partying and lying about things.

Surely this is proof enough that it isnt lockdown that's the problem? He's always been a disrespectful arse who treats you like crap, he's just had to change how he treats you like crap as he cant go out and get drunk and mug you off anymore.

The pubs open in 2 weeks. He'll be off out and things will go back to how they were. Do you want that?

Sparklfairy · 27/04/2021 07:56

Open 'properly' I mean!

CagneyNYPD · 27/04/2021 07:59

It sounds like that there were issues before Lockdown and the current problems have just replaced them.

AgentJohnson · 27/04/2021 08:07

He was a twat before lockdown, is a twat during lockdown, which probably means he will be a twat post lockdown. When he says after lockdown things will get back to normal, he means he will continue being a selfish and disrespectful arse.

If you want to waste more of your time hoping some less of a twat version of himself will suddenly appear, knock yourself out but I personally wouldn’t waste my breath.

Let go of the version of him you desperately want him to be, he isn’t and probably will never be that guy. Your expectation of what a husband father should be obviously don’t correlate to his.

The balls in your court, not his because he has no intention of being different.

SarahBellam · 27/04/2021 08:31

Sounds like he’s a dick, lockdown or not. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/04/2021 08:42

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this for you still?.

He has not changed at all here; he is still being a twat who remains both selfish and disrespectful towards you. I would consider taking the first step out to build a happy future for you and your children

DoingItMyself · 27/04/2021 08:46

I remember a young woman about to go into an arranged marriage telling me her father had said "Why delay moments of happiness?"

I say the same to you. "Why delay moments of happiness?"

Crack on with what you believe will work best for yourself and dc.

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