OK I'll try not to ramble...
I've had a work crush for about 3 three years - no kidding! Just a bit of fun really and someone to look nice for on the off chance I saw him around (come on, we've all been there). But that's all it was... our teams have absolutely nothing to do with each other, we just used to see each other around the building every now and then or i'd have to pass through his department every once in a while. I would never have summoned up the courage to ask him out, I was convinced he'd have a gf or something so would inevitably have spared myself the embarrassment of getting to that point.
Over December lockdown (we've been remote working since March 2020), he sent me a Teams message out of the blue, and it turns out I have been his work crush these past few years too... (!).
We started talking/texting, and we have so much in common. We then had one date (outdoors) a few months ago, and we had an ok time but honestly i think I was in quite a bit of discomfort the whole time since it was a freezing day, there was obviously nowhere to really get food or eat it, so the date was just walking and talking without the ease of dropping into a chair and getting comfy.
However it turns out he had a way better time on this date than me... he came away on cloud 9 it seems whereas I came away feeling pretty unsure... IMO the date didn't go badly as such, but I can't say I lost track of time, you know? He didn't seem as attractive as I'd remembered him from work (sorry to come across as shallow), but it was like I'd just met up with someone totally unfamiliar rather than someone i'd been admiring from a distance for so long. There also just wasn't a spark like I'd assumed there'd be?? Which was a surprise since we hit things off SO well by text. In short I came away feeling...icky. And I can't pinpoint why.
He however, had a great time. Later that evening we were on the phone and I kindly told him that I wasn't really feeling it and hoped we could meet up as friends for a bit, so I could get to know him without pressure, rather than going out on actual dates. He was fine with this but seemed a bit disappointed in himself, as if he felt he could have done something differently.
Fast forward to Valentines day... he goes overboard by sending me a crazy long letter describing how completely wonderful I am and some gifts. It sounds sweet but the letter really was A LOT - it made me feel queasy tbh, and considering I told him I didn't want to date at that time, I felt really annoyed that he'd totally not heard what I'd asked for and that he thought it would be appropriate to send me all this stuff.
Fast forward another couple of months... I'm sat here thinking damn, maybe I overreacted. Based on my past, I do think I have commitment issues, and I do have a history of running a mile whenever someone shows interest in me... as well as a history of favouring the emotionally unavailable guys. I can't tell if I have a genuine ick here or if I'm just running away from something potentially really promising just because seeing him would now be totally out of my comfort zone?
I've been single for absolutely years (late 20s, no kids, never been married or engaged etc) and really don't want to look back on this wishing I'd given it a chance. Like I said we really have lots of common ground, and on paper he's perfect for me. I just didn't recognise the person I met up with irl and then he scared me off by being far more interested in me, than I him.
My friends are pretty unhelpful and are all torn between the following viewpoints: a) this is so typical of you b) you haven't even given him a chance yet c) well if there's any kind ick he's beyond hope so move on...
What advice would you give someone in these shoes? If even the briefest thought pops into your head, pretty please don't leave without sharing...! I feel like a big baby and am in need of some wisdom... Thank you xxx