I asked for some support to help my friend in my very first post, about a month ago now. She'd been bereaved and was acting strangely, mainly with contact with men. We've had another meltdown scenario.
Long story short (as possible) - she told me this last Sunday (18th) She began 'chatting' with a guy in January, who she had met on a Facebook group, and he ended it at the end of Feb. He said he was living with his estranged wife and he didn't want her calling when she was there (likely story). She showed me some of the messages (emojis, hearts kisses, stuff you would write on your pencil case at school). He is 54! She couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me all the details about the chat but I gather it had turned steamy as she said she couldn't show me the others. Anyway he blocked her on Messenger, WhatsApp in Feb. but she didn't tell me why. I think she was sending him about 10 messages to his one.
Fast forward to 10 April and he came back to her 'apologising', saying he owed her an apology, and they started talking again, on the phone and on Zoom. She was annoyed that he wasn't messaging or talking as often as she liked (it transpired he was a pharmaceutical delivery driver) and so she bombarded him with messages and calls, so he left her a message and then blocked her again. Cue lots and lots of sobbing. She played me the message and also went round to her next door neighbour to get him to listen and interpret what the bloke meant! She said that if she likes someone, she wants to talk to them all the time. I think he did lead her on, but she doesn't need much encouragement. He'd said he would visit her (200 miles).
Last Monday, I went out for an early supper with some friends, and planned to spend the evening reviewing my paperwork for my meeting the next day. But this friend rang and was on the phone for over two hours and it was 2am when I went to bed with a headache after reading all the documentation. All about this guy. She had phoned him and left him a voice mail telling him she wanted to talk, calling him a coward and so on for not giving her a reason for not wanting to continue the chat. He rang her back and gave her an absolute tirade, called her a stalker, a bunny boiler and that he never wanted to hear from her again. She had also posted on the Facebook interest group that he had let her down and broken her heart, and he was not impressed. So I had two hours of this, what shall I do, etc. I told her to do nothing - she'd had the same result with Tom, Dick and now Harry (not their real names but you get the drift), so leave it focus on getting yourself recovered and leave the guys alone for a while.
She then told me on Saturday that she had managed to find the guy's home number and left him a message on the landline saying she really liked him, missed him and she was not a bunny boiler or a stalker ................ She told me on Saturday she 'craves attention'. It's bloody tragic.
She has just messaged to say she has rung him yet again - "I thought you liked me, I really like you, I am not a stalker, I miss you, please get in touch so we can talk, it's really upsetting me, please call me"). Aarrgghh!!!
She asked me if I thought she was stupid. I told her no but I thought her behaviour was questionable and hampering her recovery. She said she can't help it - I said that perhaps she may not be able to help her feelings but she can stop herself acting on them. I also told her I don't think she is ready to start dating. She asked if I meant too soon after the death of her husband, and I said no, I meant because of her anxiety and erratic behaviour. Have I been too hard on her.
She's been having anxiety counselling, but now is waiting for meetings with a psychologist but I'm afraid that she won't be honest about this sort of behaviour.
Well done if you made it to the end!