Abusive relationship 14 years

[citygirl200]

Hi
I need some support , frank advise
I got married and found out my husband was in another relationship whilst dating me and into our 5th year of marriage - we had a child in year3.
married 14 years
I was almost forced to stay with, I realise now it is because he is a controlling person. He threatens me that I will have no money and he will make sur my life is hell if I leave, staying with him is hell.

in the marriage from day one, there has been verbal abuse, alcoholism and everything that goes wrong in our marriage is my fault.
he control all our finances and hides our family income from me. tells me that I don't earn the money so have no right to it!
actually I do work towards the family income but it is no 50/50 - more 70 him and 30 me.

day to day he is awfult t me and previous he has hit me.

tells me that I am a waste of space and when I ask him why he stays with me - he says that he loves me.

long story short - he is controlling and it coercive behavior, the 5 year affair, the hiding of finances and the put downs and on top says I am useless as I don't want to have sex with him.

in fact he avoid any accountability and blames me for all his wrong doings, that it is me that causes him to treat me like that

please help, I need to have some support right now, excuse the typso

This sounds awful and he's a violent prick. You ned to break things down practically. What is your housing situation. You talk of one child. How old is that child now?

You need out. I don't have experience of this myself, but Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme are often mentioned on here, start by secretly contacting them for practical advice and start making a plan.

thank you, yes we have one child and he is nearly 11. he also asks our child not to tell me things, like if he has been in trouble at school, and that he don't need to tell me as he has told his dad. controlling people do that. they don't want to be held accountable or take responsibility and I think he is now doing this to our child - ie; not to be held accountable

I am very sad and he says that as he pays the majority f the bills the least I can do is have sex with him!

“You need out. I don't have experience of this myself, but Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme are often mentioned on here, start by secretly contacting them for practical advice and start making a plan.”

This. You may face some financial hardship after leaving but that would seem infinitely preferable to what you have now. And your son is 11, not tiny. Therefore even if you have shared custody, the son will be able to let you know how his visits are going and if he has any concerns.

You need to leave. Your husband is vile and he won't be a healthy influence on your son which in turn and time will damage your relationship with your son.

I asked about the house to ascertain your financial position. You would be entitled to benefits if you leave. have you anywhere to go?

Hi
I work - we have lots of property buy today let’s since marriage. But he hides it all from me . We have plenty financial security - I just don’t have access to it. He uses that to keep in marriage - he makes me account for every penny. Yet of family income he controls and under lock and key and I don’t have access - he keeps best min in joint accounts amd mostly in his own account if his mothers!