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Original poster

Sex drives

43 replies

Jambo21 · 25/04/2021 23:16

I have been with my partner 2.5 years but I’m having concerns about our sex life. We get on great, are affectionate with each other, hold hands when going for walks, cuddle on the sofa, kiss, but so far this year we have had sex 8 times, so an average of twice a month. I think he would easily go 2 months without having any and im not used to being in a relationship with someone having a low sex drive. I miss that side of things but then I have friends who say their partners just want sex and never show affection or cuddle so is it one or the other? But I am starting to feel frustrated and undesirable and although I know he loves me, it’s getting me down. I don’t know what to do though as I want him to WANT to have sex, not because he feels like he should. Any advice would be appreciated and a mans perspective might help too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 10:55

I know, it would just be nice to get that feeling of want from him in a sexual way. At 34 I feel too young to not have any passion in my life! But like another poster has said it seems so selfish to end it over this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 10:58

@pumpkinpie01 about 6 - 8 beers from late afternoon til bed. Slow but steady. So he’s not drunk but it’s having a knock on affect to our sex life no doubt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 10:59

@ravenmum do you mean because we have got comfortable? Or because he’s sick of me ha 😅

OP posts:
ravenmum · 26/04/2021 11:00

I'm 51 and feel too young for that, too, as does my bf. I have to say that I don't get why you would feel guilty about ending it after such a short time. (I guess that at my age, obviously, there is no practical reason to commit; if I wasn't happy, I'd end it.)

ravenmum · 26/04/2021 11:02

[quote Jambo21]@ravenmum do you mean because we have got comfortable? Or because he’s sick of me ha 😅[/quote]
Got comfortable, or just got sick of each other as many married couples seem to have found in this extra-intense time!

DinosaurDiana · 26/04/2021 11:05

I had a last hurrah in my 40’s and was mad for sex. If you get that , you’re going to be very frustrated.
I think that sex is such an important part of a relationship that you are too young to be putting up with it.
If I were you I’d end it, but only you know which way you want to go.

Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 11:16

Although it’s only been 2.5 years we have built a life together, we have a house & pets & like you say this last year has been intense. Normally we would have had other things on at weekend or been at work so this last year feels like the equivalent of 2 years the amount of time we have had together. On one hand we are probably stronger than ever but on the other hand it’s highlighted his lack of sex drive. Looking back, it was always there but when you only see each other twice a week & have sex once a week that was 50% of the time. Now it’s more like 10%, of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 11:17

*if that

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2021 11:46

The 6-8 beers is without a doubt going to have an effect. What do yo think would happen if you suggested no drink on a sunday and an early night ? Or if you initiated sex on one of the other 4 days ?

Launche · 26/04/2021 11:48

I think the key to any relationship is communication. You need to have an honest conversation and spell out what you would like.

He may not be initiating because of performance anxiety which occurs in so many men. A bad experience in the bedroom can haunt so many men and stop them from initiating anything in fear it will happen again. It is usually nothing against the partner and is just their own mind from holding them back.

And like you say the drinking every weekend will not help the situation and will not make that any better for him.

I think with this much love in the relationship, it’s something that can be worked on - you both need to be honest with each other to achieve that though.

MrsMaizel · 26/04/2021 12:10

You need a late afternoon date before he starts drinking - some lovely sex , dinner and a drink - everyone is happy .

FortunesFave · 26/04/2021 13:34

@MrsMaizel

You need a late afternoon date before he starts drinking - some lovely sex , dinner and a drink - everyone is happy .
Hmm Or he needs to not drink that much. That's a lot. If a person drinks that much regularly, it will affect their performance anyway...
Anothernick · 26/04/2021 18:35

6-8 cans three times a week, that's say 20 cans in all and at 2.5 units a can that's 50 units a week, more than double the recommended maximum. He's risking his health as well as his sex life.

FWIW although I have been pleasantly surprised to find my desire and ability are both pretty good still even though I am 62 i do find that alcohol is now more likely to kill the mood than it would have done when I was younger. I'd be well out of it after 6 cans.

Original poster
Jambo21 · 26/04/2021 19:11

Maybe it’s more of an alcohol problem then rather than the issue I first thought as he will also have a few beers a couple of nights in the week too. Does alcohol affect most men with sex? ☹️

OP posts:
litterbird · 26/04/2021 20:07

@Jambo21

Maybe it’s more of an alcohol problem then rather than the issue I first thought as he will also have a few beers a couple of nights in the week too. Does alcohol affect most men with sex? ☹️
I think you are right, this is an alcohol problem which creates the lack of performance. He is drinking an awful lot. Alcohol will undoubtedly affect his sex drive. Ask him to stop drinking for a month and see where you are at.
Dadbod89 · 01/11/2021 20:51

Hello

SunflowerTed · 02/11/2021 11:58

It sounds like a great relationship. However, if this doesn’t work for you it could easily turn into just a friendship x

Moooning · 03/11/2021 11:26

He has an alcohol problem. This is unlikely to get better...and you can do better

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