I found a suicide note and I'm not sure what to do

[BingRed]

As title says.

I knew partner would be struggling as next week would've been his dads birthday and I know he struggles around birthdays etc. And recently he hasn't been himself as he's been quiet but he just kept telling me not to worry about him.

Earlier I found a piece of paper scrunched up on the floor and it looked like a suicide note. I spoke to partner and he told me he didn't want me to see it and that it was from before I gave birth( baby is now almost a month old) and that he was going to throw it away. He told me to forget about it but I'm not sure what to do, or if I should forget about it.

What should I do?

I would contact 111 and speak to them for advice.

I would talk to him again. Ask him if he has suicidal thoughts, or if he is feeling very low and trying to hide it.

Maybe you should seek advice from a mental health charity. Can you google one that looks right for you and your situation: mind, or calm, or the Samaritans, and ask them? You can do this is private but it might help you to talk it through with someone who has more experience and you will know that you have taken it seriously and sought advice. It must have been a shock and a worry. I hope you are ok.

Ask him to see the GP urgently, and potentially find a counsellor ASAP. You could get in touch with MIND, calm zone. www.mensmindsmatter.org/third-sector-services.html

Get him mental health help.

Tell him you understand it's hard, that you are there for him, try and get him to visit his GP as soon as.

Oh no.

Please do help him seek help. I know it's hard with a baby too but just be cautious of his whereabouts.

Let him know that you can talk and there will be no judgement but without knowing everything you can't help him fully.

Ask him if he is sucicidal. Ask him if he has a plan. Listen and be direct. If his answer to either of those is yes involve his gp.

He is struggling with grief which is probably compounded by having the responsibility of a partner and very newborn baby much like PND with new mothers.

You can speak to your doctor and/or midwife yourself about your concerns.

Was it a suicide note or a letter written from the heart as suggested some times in therapy?

please seek help-ask him if he is still feeling suicidal and if he has a plan.He may deny this to you but encourage him to seek help as people who are feeling suicidal often don't appear unwell or deny how they are feeling to those around them .

OP the quick online training at www.zerosuicidealliance.com is the most helpful thing I’ve ever done in understanding how to ask questions in the right way in this kind of situation. The videos are short and based around real life scenarios. I urge you to find 20 mins to watch them. There are also lots of links to other useful organisations that can help you. Thinking of you both - he is lucky to have your support and insight, look after yourself too

The Samaritans have some really helpful stuff on their website about how to support someone you’re worried about www.samaritans.org/wales/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/

he told me he didn't want me to see it and that it was from before I gave birth( baby is now almost a month old) and that he was going to throw it away.

He's lying. Not to deceive you, but because he feels unable to ask for help. Probably due to toxic masculinity so pervasive in our culture, possibly because he's reached out for help before and been shamed for it.

As your baby is so young, I'd suspect he may have male PND - it's a thing I didn't know existed but it is apparently relatively common, but little discussed.

Please don't let him fob you off. Reassure him that you love him, and that accepting help shows him to be a STRONG person, not a weak one. And that he deserves to feel better and to be supported to get there.

www.thecalmzone.net/ Calm website may have some help, and is targeted particularly to men, who find it difficult to speak out about MH issues.

Lots of good advice above. I have been involved with a few students over the years who have either attempted or discussed suicide (I’m a lecturer) and had a tiny bit of training. It is best to ask directly whether they have a plan, it’s not the time for beating about the bush. He does need professional help, either his GP or counselling. My students haven’t found the Samaritans very helpful, they are quite passive listeners and don’t help the person to explore what is wrong. I’m very much not an expert (and really wish that this wasn’t something I’ve had to deal with). It’s hard when it isn’t someone you have a close relationship with I can’t imagine how awful it is for a partner. I would say that you should also seek counselling, if at all possible, to deal with your own feelings. I often talk things through with a counsellor after a difficult conversation. Saying stuff out loud really helps.

Thanks for all of your replies.

I asked him again earlier and he told me not to worry about him as he's fine etc and that he's not suicidal and he told me to forget about the note. I'm just not sure what to do now

I would phone his GP and ask if they can call him to discuss - they won't be able to discuss much with you due to confidentiality but can take a request to do a call back to your husband .