Husband works a lot

[Halo247]

I'm feeling lonely and neglected in my marriage.

My husband works shifts and has a 5 week shift pattern which involves him working some weekends.

I knew about the shifts when I met him, so that's not a problem.

What is a problem is that I expect him to want to spend one weekend in that 5 week rota with me, a whole Saturday and Sunday.

What I find is that there's always some excuse / reason as to why he can't do this... needs to do overtime to pay for things etc, pressure at work to work overtime and he doesn't want to let them down (what about letting me down?). He's not badly paid already and could do without the additional money.

There is a lack of intimacy in the relationship caused by many reasons, including the shifts, but he insists that he loves me and wants to be with me.

Am I flogging a dead horse or should I continue to put up with it because when we do spend time together we get on well and enjoy each other's company?

Do you have children?

Maybe tell him again in no uncertain terms that his working all weekend is making you feel like crap .
If you feel he is not listening and nothing changes them think about it ending it as hard as it is ,if you aren't getting anything from it now you probably never will .

I'm married to a workaholic too. 12 hours a day Mon to Sat, 6 hours on a Sunday. If I want to do something I don't wait for him to find time anymore, I go without him.

If you don't have children, I wouldn't have any with him.

Are you working too? If not then perhaps get a job so he cant make the excuse that he needs the money. You knew about his work ethic before you married so you really have to make it clear to him that this has to stop. If he doesn't then you will both naturally check out of the marriage and then its normally over.

Yes you are absolutely flogging dead horse.

We don’t have children together, I have children (all over 18) from a previous relationship and they have a good relationship with him. I work full time (Monday to Friday) and have a good, well-paid job.

I don’t wait around for him, and get on with my life, enjoying time with my friends, but I miss spending time with him and despite his assurances that he does love me and want to be with me he doesn’t spend the time with me.

He supports me well in other ways, DIY and helping me and my children if we have problems with our cars etc.

He is supportive in other ways, except his time.

I have spoken to him about this and nothing changes, I feel like I’m moaning or nagging to get him to spend time with me when I wish he would actually want to spend time with me.

I’m worried because in leaving him I lose the background support and the time we spend together is nice, but is probably just a friendship.

I think you are right. He probably sees you as a friend not a wife and lover. I suspect the connection has gone in the bedroom too as you don’t mention having great sex or still active sexually. It’s up to you now. Accept the friendship for what it is and enjoy the little time you have together or make moves to step away. Neither options are easy.

If He's a cop, it won't get better...
Work always comes first :(

@litterbird you've hit the nail on the head totally! I think that deep down I know that I'm too young to settle for companionship, I want an active relationship, not just a friendship, but I enjoy the support and safety net! thank you x