Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m confused

12 replies

Thelastwalker · 25/04/2021 16:31

I reconnected with an old boyfriend before lockdown , about 6 months prior . He moved back in with his wife although they are separated during the pandemic but since Christmas he is travelling for work with an exemption. He is staying with his female co -worker during this time . When he is with her I barely hear from him at all . An odd text a few hours a day . He has excuses like phone is dead , driving her about to get stuff in garden centres , do shopping as she doesn’t have a car . I have gone from feeling loved and cherished by this guy to him not having the time of day for me. He denies a relationship but it smacks of one to me . If I say anything he tells me I’m not trusting , passive aggressive, he can’t win etc etc . I admit at times I probably am a bit PA or cutting because he makes me feel like dirt .

I have been deliberately not contacting him the last 2 days and he hasn’t even noticed . We are in different countries so we can’t meet .

OP posts:
category12 · 25/04/2021 16:43

You're wasting your time here, aren't you? You don't even live in the same country. You're just filler when he's at a loose end.

autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:16

If you feel like dirt, why not break up?

coffeeandjuice · 25/04/2021 17:19

Agree with PP, I think it's time to let go of this and look for a more meaningful relationship where the guy isn't living with another woman and finding excuses not to contact you when he's with her.

If it doesn't feel right, it's not right.

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 17:20

He’s just a pen pal. You live in different countries. You’re not going to meet. What are you hoping for? A virtual boyfriend?

MissMaple82 · 25/04/2021 17:22

Always trust your gut

Itsabeautifulday81 · 25/04/2021 17:24

What has happened to you in the past that you have such low self esteem and insight that you are even asking this question?

merryhouse · 25/04/2021 17:46

Life's too short.

Thelastwalker · 25/04/2021 17:48

@category12 yep I’m wasting my time .

Yes it doesn’t feel right and hasn’t for a while. We met up before the pandemic hit for a weekend . It was lovely but we just reconnected having lunch and dinners . It was early days . We did have plans to meet for a couple of holidays too but it obviously got cancelled. Think him moving back with his wife changed things and definitely now him practically living with his Collegue whilst travelling .

Yes I trust my gut and that’s why I’m thinking this one out loud .

@Itsabeautifulday81 my marriage wasn’t the best and I have been let down by someone before. I will be ok just need to cop on now and get on with my own life

OP posts:
Alex908 · 25/04/2021 17:55

Ugh he’s in a relationship with his ‘colleague’ and his wife and wants you too. He’s hedging his bets. Get rid.

Notagain20 · 25/04/2021 18:38

I increasingly believe that feeling confused is the first red flag. Healthy, happy relationships aren't confusing

Thelastwalker · 26/04/2021 09:00

@Alex908 thats what it feels like now to me .

@Notagain20 I agree and I haven’t felt happy with him in a while now . He seems to be able to switch right off and pop back as he pleases . Yesterday I heard nothing all day and he then fell asleep on couch after sending me a one line message .

I have wished him a good morning and I have turned off my emails and I’m leaving my phone away from me rest of the day . Cannot be bothered now . I’m done .

OP posts:
Notagain20 · 26/04/2021 10:49

Good for you, keeping away from your phone is a good idea.

Have you heard of variable intermittent reward? It's the most addictive behaviour pattern, it's when the outcome of our behaviour is unpredictable. In lab rats, if they can't predict whether or not they will get a treat for pushing a lever, they will push it and push it forever. In humans, if we never quite know how someone is going to respond, we find it very difficult to let them go and move on. Addictive, and destructive

New posts on this thread. Refresh page