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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can this go anywhere?

19 replies

Happypigc · 24/04/2021 23:07

I recently met a man on OLD, his profile said looking for a relationship. We have had three dates, each spaced apart by two weeks. The reason for the gap is that he has his kids one week on, one week off. I have my kids four days each week.

The first two dates were walks in the park. The date last night was at his house, he cooked us dinner and we chatted, watched a film and we kissed/cuddled. We seemed to have a spark and both said we really enjoyed being together.

We message most days and he's generally quick to reply if I message. He sends photos of himself with his kids etc quite often, I dont think he's a sleazebag.

I would prefer to be able to see someone at least once a week, to keep the dating momentum and tbh I feel quite frustrated to have to wait two weeks now to see him again. Although I do have my kids, job, social life etc.

Is this something I can broach with him now, or will I look a bit overseen/needy? I think we would probably sleep together on the next date, but I'm reluctant to do that if I will then wait two weeks to see him again...

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 24/04/2021 23:11

How far apart do you live?? And do you both work 9-5 type jobs?

I’d suggest a meet up for a drink or meal during the week if that’s doable and see what he says.
And I’d reconsider sleeping with him on the next date. You don’t have to stick to a timeframe, it should be when you feel comfortable with how the relationship is progressing and I don’t think you are at that point yet

Original poster

Happypigc · 24/04/2021 23:25

We live 40 minutes from each other. He often works late and between us 11 nights out of every two weeks one or both of us has our kids.

It's difficult as I definitely like him, he seems to like me...but it feels awkward to have a conversation about whether we could work on a practical basis after just 3 dates!

Good idea to suggest a weeknight meal, if he's not willing/able to do that then I know he's literally only available every other weekend, which doesn't really work for me, its just too big a gap!

OP posts:

Keepitonthedownlow · 24/04/2021 23:30

Don't sleep with him next time, it'll mess with your head. If it's too soon the speak about timing of visits then it's too soon for sex imho.

If he's a keeper I'm sure you can make it work in the long run.

Original poster

Happypigc · 24/04/2021 23:35

Thanks, I agree, the thought of sleeping with someone then waiting two weeks to see them sounds awful...

I agree if both wanted to make it work (it's too early days to know yet) then I guess we could have more time together on his child free week...but to get to that point I'll probably need to emotionally invest in him, which is a bit nerve wracking.

OP posts:

Aprilfoolaround · 24/04/2021 23:38

He's sending you photos of his kids and you've only had 3 dates?? Nope. His boundaries are shit. No way would I have gone to a strangers house for a third date. A decent bloke would arrange a date somewhere public at a restaurant or pub. Considering current restrictions why were you even in his house? You barely know this man.

CirqueDeMorgue · 24/04/2021 23:45

@Aprilfoolaround

Maybe they didn't wanna be freezing their arses off for a third time? As for pics of kids, it's not as though most people don't plaster them all over social media. 🙄

Original poster

Happypigc · 24/04/2021 23:48

I thought the photos of the kids was quite nice tbh, it was just of them with him doing sports etc when we've been chatting about our day

OP posts:

Sandra15 · 24/04/2021 23:51

NO! Do not sleep with him! Far too soon if you are fretting about not seeing him.

CoconutMaracas · 25/04/2021 11:02

In my experience if he really liked you he’d be pushing to see you more often. Just like you’re wanting to. I went out with a surgeon once and he was super busy but wanted to meet a couple of times a week. I would step back and let him initiate contact for a while.

bluebell34567 · 25/04/2021 11:13

I would step back and let him initiate contact for a while. very good idea.

aTeacherIamNot · 25/04/2021 12:15

My partner and I live 40 minutes away from each other and both have children. When we got together just over 3 years ago it was quite difficult to get time together, we managed on one day each week, which was our days off, for a few hours, while the kids were at school.

After a few months we decided we were serious enough for the kids to meet, luckily they all got on. This meant it was easier to see each other.

It can be very difficult to date when you're a single parent. You need tons of understanding. We didn't rush and still cherish those days off together.

Good Luck

SortingItOut · 25/04/2021 12:16

How soon did he tell you he was only free once every 2 weeks?

Personally If I wanted at the minimum weekly contact I wouldn't get with a man who couldn't do that.

I think in the early stages of dating seeing each other once a fortnight is fine, presumably during his free week he also has to fit in hobbies and friends and he might not want to go all in with you as its only early dating.

I would have a chat with him about whether you can see each other more in the 1 week he is free or at least once a week.
If the answer is no then you have to make a decision.

Original poster

Happypigc · 25/04/2021 13:30

Thanks, I keep seeing him and also mention that I'd like to be 'exclusive' before sleeping with him.

OP posts:

category12 · 25/04/2021 13:37

Well don't sleep with him then.

Original poster

Happypigc · 25/04/2021 13:59

@SortingItOut he said he had 50% custody of him kids before we met, I said I have about 60% of mine. We didn't really discuss how often we could meet.

I find it odd that he isn't pushing for more frequent dates, though to be fair neither have I. I will suggest a midweek dinner and see what he says, that way I know its theoretically possible we could see each other twice one week then not the next.

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 25/04/2021 13:59

Sorry, but kids come first. If that's the only reason that you're not meeting, it's not just his 'fault'.
Don't use this an excuse to introduce the kids yet-either live with it for until you know it's serious and longterm or split up.

Keepitonthedownlow · 25/04/2021 19:26

One a fortnight sounds ideal to me for the early days, maybe more later down the line. Could it eventually evolve?

Original poster

Happypigc · 25/04/2021 21:31

Well I suggested a weeknight dinner and he said he would like to but he would 'check his diary' and let me know...I'll leave it for now. He doesnt sound very keen, if he gets back to me then great, if not then he obviously wasn't very interested or only wanted sex.

OP posts:

bluebell34567 · 26/04/2021 10:28

good idea op.

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