I just wanted to share this with people who are not "involved" so that I can get an outsider's perspective. Please tell me if I'm being too demanding...but please be gentle, I really can't handle being yelled at online!
Basically, my whole life I have never had many friends. I'm just shy and very socially awkward so most of the people I know went to the same class as me, went the same uni or work in the same office - I don't class them as friends but rather acquaintances because we don't keep in touch, we don't talk, we just say "hi" if we pass each-other on the street. I have one really close friend, we have been friends since we were 4, not we are 29. She is not the issue here.
I have three other friends from uni, we became friends in uni halls and then moved into a student house together. We had lots of fun - we went on nights out, we had movie nights, we went for picnics etc, - you know as friends do. Anyway, life happened - we all graduated, moved out, got jobs, I moved in with a boyfriend and then married him. I still kept in touch with my 3 friends but with time, it just got less and less frequent.
In the last couple of years I started to feel like I'm the only one making an effort. I always mark on my calendar when my family and friends' birthdays are so I don't forget (don't laugh, I am really bad at remembering dates!) so every year I'd send my friends flowers, sweets (two of them are female) and I'd send the other friend video games, quirky gadgets (he's a geek so he loves that stuff), I'd send them Christmas gifts and cards, but in return I always got f* all! I never got any cards, flowers, Christmas cards - nothing!
The final straw was in 2019 when I got married one of my friends didn't come! She said she had an ear ache!!! I'm sorry but what a stupid excuse!!! After the wedding she didn't make an effort at all to meet me even though she said we can go for a mean after the wedding. Still waiting for the invite! If it was me and I couldn't make it to her wedding, I'd still send a present, and after the wedding I'd organise a meal and would ask my friend all about the wedding.
After that I think something snapped in me and I started to realise I seem to be the only one trying to keep this friendship alive. I get that they have their own lives and jobs etc but how hard is it to buy a £3 birthday card and send it to me?! I mean, I always do it!
Also, in 2020, in the height of the pandemic I got my citizenship. I didn't get as much as a "congratulations" on Facebook! When one of them got their citizenship (he got in when we were still in uni), I organised a party for him, got a cake and champagne and had booked a booth in a nightclub (we were 24 so we enjoyed clubbing a lot more). I'm not saying I want a party and a booth in a nightclub but after lockdown ended, they could have been like "hey you got your citizenship, let's go to this restaurant and have a celebratory meal" but no, to this day I got nothing!
So since then I kind of stepped back from the friendships. I'm not planning on sending any gifts or card for anyone's birthdays or special occasions. And guess what?! Recently, a friend of mine got promoted at work, and the other two were like "well done, congrats" and one sent her flowers. I said nothing because frankly, I've become bitter, and guess what - one of them messaged me privately and said why am I being so rude and didn't say anything to our friend! That honestly made me cry! I just cried with anger.
So am I being unreasonable or are my friends just no longer interested in me? I'm not afraid of losing people but I am also not confrontational, so I don't have the backbone to confront them because I know they'll probably say I'm being unreasonable. I don't expect the world but at least return my gestures. A relationship of any kind goes two ways, you know! If I have got you a birthday card and a present for the last 6 years, would you not at least send me something for my birthday? Would you not come to my wedding if we had been friends for 5 years?