Can't move on

[Lounew]

Hi I was married for 20 years and last year we split up he always had a bad temper and it became worse lashing out at me and our property I could not live like this but now a year on I can't seem to let go we met when I was just 15 he is the only person I've had sex with and have 3 children together I now feel so lost and alone and wander if I will ever move on I am leaving him messages almost begging him to talk to me he dosent reply what is wrong with me how do i move forward???

You are afraid of your future and that is understandable. He was all you knew about intimate relationships your entire life.

You need to be brave and strong and learn to live with the knowledge that you will be fine without him. Have you considered therapy? This has been a loss, a necessary one, but a loss all the same.

Thank you I am having threapy and it is helping you are right I afraid of the unknown

Why not flip it around. The future doesn't have to be fear-based. Think of it as an exciting new chapter of freedom and self discovery.

There is so much more to life than the abuse you experienced and came to expect. You can do this!

First of all, please stop communicating with him. He is gone. You must try and work through with your therapist to learn to let go. Not easy but time will help you. You are still young with a good life ahead of you. One year is still quite early to fully recover from a long marriage. Give yourself some breathing space and just stop contacting him for anything other than the children. You will not move on if you still are begging to go back. Its very hard but its something you must do at all costs.

Don't be so hard on yourself op. You are understandably worried about the future but you have done so well to get yourself and your DC away from a situation where you are being shouted at and walking on eggshells. You know inside that you and your DC deserve better than that.

You are probably talking to yourself in the same way that your ex has been speaking to you for two decades. It's time to change the narrative and change is very very hard. Please get yourself some help from one of the following resources and keep posting here too.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help/

I am sure other posters will be along with better advice soon, but as a start, how about doing one thing for yourself a week that you love, that you couldn't do when you were with your ex.

Stay strong

Thank you and yes most days I feel strong and excited I've just got a new job so freash start their and yes really need to help to work out why I let him treat me like he did and why the hell am I begging him . I am 41 and surpose fear being alone forever .

I'm sure it's totally normal to have ups and downs and times when you feel stronger, and times where you feel overwhelmed. After 20 years that is bound to be the case. Try and be patient with yourself. You are mourning the future you thought you were going to have. And until you construct a new one, you can't really look forward to it yet! So try and be patient with yourself; it will take a while to get there but you will do it

Yes that's what I need to do just wandered if anyone as been their and could offer advice .

Bumping for you op