Is this normal or am I overreacting

[Cherryblossomseason12]

I can't go into the whole background but it's pretty much the usual. I am a child who grew up in a domestic violent situation, gaslighting etc, narcissistic Mum, no support from family.

My husband and I are on the brink of ending it. Of course he wants me to stay etc but no real change and I don't think he is capable of it. It's the cycle but I am about to break it. He swears under his breath at me, constantly. He says "fuck off" and then says it about the situation, not me. But the situation is something like me asking him not to undo a weeks worth of sleep training for our toddler when it is his night to put her down. He rolls his eyes, huffs then walks away saying fuck off under his breath. This is the final straw though, it isn't just this but it represents so much.

But I still need to clarify - is this normal communication in most relationships? I'm I making a mountain out of a molehill?

no that level of disrespect and anger should never be thought of as normal sorry.

Its probably normal for some people, but that's not the point, is it? Just because some women might put up with verbal abuse, doesn't mean you have to.

It's behaviour that's making you unhappy and that he refuses to change. That's all you need to know.

Nope.

Never happened to me.

Not at all normal in mine. I'd think it very serious if my husband told me to fuck off. It has happened and funnily enough, he used the same excuse as yours, saying it about the situation, but he quickly realised how it would not ever be tolerated (and I have never said it or anything like it to him) and it hasn't happened since (years ago).

It stinks of contempt tbh.

No not normal but also, if you are not happy in a relationship with him, and you want to end things you can, you don’t need valuation from anyone except your own mind and your own needs from a relationship.

I only say this because you mention your upbringing which may I guess impact the way you see that, but if he’s not making you happy, he swears under his breath and despite you questioning it continues despite knowing if upsets you he’s playing no attention to your feelings which he should do.

You’re allowed to leave for whatever reason you want, make yourself happy

Not normal at all, you deserve better

not normal, although I'm sure he will insist it is. Don't listen.

Nope not normal at all even when times were rocky for a long time.

We do have different parenting techniques and have disagreed on how to handle situations, and git frustrated with each other but never been rude to each other
It doesn't matter if everyone else experiences this if you don't like it and he doesn't respect that, then that's the end of your relationship

No it is not normal in healthy non-abusive relationships.

No, not normal. DH and I would never talk to each other like that.