OLD has unblocked me... (Perhaps triggering sorry)

[whatsupOLD]

an idiot I briefly dated last year has got back in touch. I'm half tempted to find out what he wants. I just want some closure. But am I being ridiculous?

We dated for a few months when there was no lockdowns about five months ago. He was fun and exciting and took my mind off things for a bit. Last February (on my first ever date after my divorce) I was raped. So he knew this and took things slowly and was generally understanding.

Last time I saw him I stayed over. I was ill in the morning and I slept in till lunchtime. I woke up to find him having sex with me without a condom (he knew I wanted to use a condom. We always had before)

I was so shocked I don't think I said much. Just that he needed to get an std test to stop me freaking. He promised he would. Said he was an adult. But that we 'both' got carried away...

Then several days later he sent me a message saying his dad was ill so he couldn't deal with this and blocked me.

He unblocked me last week and tried to call. I didn't answer. Today hes sent me a very stilted text asking how I am.

I half want to find out what lame ass excuse he has for being such a prick. But at the same time I don't know if I can be bothered with all the stress.

Congrats if you've read all this.

Although as I've hit "post", I'm thinking it's probably best not to send any messages that are likely to antagonise him. He is a rapist so you already know he is dangerous, and you don't know how he might respond or whether you may be at risk of harm.

Sorry to hear what an awful time you’ve had.

Reply ‘You raped me’

Let him brick it and report him

Bastard
Please don't engage with him, OP. Know your self-worth. He's just as much of a rapist as the first guy.
I'm so sorry

You may have been ill due to something he gave you on purpose

Do not engage with, for your safety. What if he gets drunk one night and scared about being reported, scared enough to come and hurt you or worse?!?! I’ve been raped like this when I was 15 partly because of my 35 year old cousin, I was living with her & she let her duck buddy take me out & groom & rape me, she knew I had already been sexually abused & just let it happen, knowing that this guy liked to sleep with young girls without condoms, she didn’t warn me. I didn’t know then, I knew after. I was in South Africa, after just having moved there from Europe, I was vulnerable in many ways.

I wouldn't reply and just block him.

Nothing you could say would get through to him.

I don't think he's a bit worried about anything and the likely reason he's trying to contact is for a hookup.

Just block

I think you should report him. You might regret it later if you don’t, I regret not having been able to do anything in my case... I’m very sorry 😞

Is this the too-good-to-be-true flatpack furniture man who was 'showing me what a healthy relationship looks like' back in January?

Block block block, he is a shitty human being.

I'm not saying that this will happen only that it is something to be aware of. I know because I did it.
I went back and had sex with the person who raped me again. I was young and confused. I thought that I could somewhere 'erase' the rape if I went back and made myself have sex with him again. As if it couldn't have been raped the first time if I went back a second time.
I have since found that this isn't uncommon.
I am not saying you would do the same but when you are still traumatised and trying to recover it is not easy to make sound decisions or not be vulnerable.
Please protect yourself and do not engage with him in any form.

I would just reply you raped me and then leave it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

@YouJustFoldItIn sorry I don't know what you mean. No I wasn't seeing him in January. we'd already split up.

@orlaquiver thank you. Yes that makes sense. I actually did that with the man from last February. I desperately didn't want it to be rape. We had friends in common as we worked in the same field. I knew our paths would probably cross again at some point. I have him on text admitting that I said no. And sarc have the forensics. The police know. But they've said whenever I'm ready to go ahead they will wait for me.

Block him. Do not engage, seek help where you can OP. I'm so sorry this happened, you're worth so much more than this.

Just wanted to tell you all, there is research showing that survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 1000% more likely to be re-victimised in adulthood 😖

Absolutely echo what others here have said and only wanted to add that you do NOT need to ‘work on yourself’ to ‘avoid getting into bed with men who don’t respect you’ or whatever it was exactly that one of the first replies said. It is NOT your fault in any way that these two men raped you regardless of the circumstances. It is the MEN who rape that need to work on THEMSELVES to not rape women and see womens bodies as a commodity that they believe they have the right to help themselves to, using force if necessary (or preferred).

I am so, so sorry for what has been done to you. You sound incredibly strong and brave and it is desperately unfair that these men chose to assault you in this way.

This does not define you and once again, was absolutely not and can never be, YOUR fault.

Agree that this man may have drugged you.

I hope your counselling is helpful. Wishing you well

You may have been ill due to something he gave you on purpose

That crossed my mind as well.
I'm so sorry this happened to you

@mumoflittlemice

Absolutely echo what others here have said and only wanted to add that you do NOT need to ‘work on yourself’ to ‘avoid getting into bed with men who don’t respect you’ or whatever it was exactly that one of the first replies said. It is NOT your fault in any way that these two men raped you regardless of the circumstances. It is the MEN who rape that need to work on THEMSELVES to not rape women and see womens bodies as a commodity that they believe they have the right to help themselves to, using force if necessary (or preferred).

I am so, so sorry for what has been done to you. You sound incredibly strong and brave and it is desperately unfair that these men chose to assault you in this way.

This does not define you and once again, was absolutely not and can never be, YOUR fault.

Agree that this man may have drugged you.

I hope your counselling is helpful. Wishing you well

Hear hear

I am so sorry, what a shit time you have had. I think your rapist has probably been reported to the police by someone else and is now shitting it that you will too. I am glad you are able to get help when you are ready. I would just ignore him-let him suffer.

Report him