Relationship advice, what do I do now?

[Goodem00]

Hi All,

This is my first post on this forum but I’m really hoping for a woman’s perspective on my situation.

For the past 6wks I’ve been messaging a woman I met online we have tons in common and have both admitted catching feeling for each other.
Then 2 days ago I admitted I had lied to her about the length of time I was married to my ex wife. I told her I’d been married longer than I actually had.

She is really upset with me for lying to her and has been really off with me ever since. We have been texting still but I know the tone has changed. I’ve apologised till I’m blue in the face and she’s said she’s hurt and feels stupid.

Today is the first day I’ve not heard from her and I’ve purposely not messaged her thinking I’d give her some space, I’m absolutely hating not contacting her but I think she needs space to work things out in her head. And I don’t want to look like a desperate idiot needing her attention because let’s be honest that’s not a nice quality in a bloke.

My question is shall I continue to give her space? I really like this woman and I don’t want to f*ck this one up..

All advice welcome please x

Have you actually met in person?

I think you are investing far too much in a person you don't know, to be honest.

Why on earth did you lie?

This has been like a cold shower for her realising you could be lying about all sorts, especially if you haven't met yet.

You've probably blown it.

Next time, just be straight with people.

No we’ve never even met, I don’t get it myself why I’m so anxious about the whole situation she’s just quite a special person

It was a stupid lie that I told before any feeling were involved the reason I said it was my ex wife had a 4yr old boy when we met ive raised him from that point onwards and I consider him to be my son. So whenever I talk about my ex wife to anyone I say we were together longer than we were so I don’t then have to explain he’s not my biological child. It’s something I’ve always done and it’s never come back to haunt me until now

Wow. A nasty intricate lie and you wonder why she doesn't want to know? Leave it and learn a lesson. Don't hound her

I have explained it to her and she’s said she understands but still feels hurt by me lying to her

It’s a HUGE red flag for her. It’s a really strange thing to lie about as well.

It's quite OTT when you haven't even met yet.

Maybe she thinks you're too keen and is a bit creeped out and like wtf this person lying already

Why’ve you not met each other?

Actually I can understand why you'd lie - sometimes people are quite weird about step-parent relationships continuing after a relationship ends. I think it's great that you are still emotionally invested in the relationship with your step-son.

But you should tell the truth as it will separate the wheat from the chaff.

"She's quite a special person" - you haven't even met yet! Give your head a wobble.
I really think you should have been upfront about your step son - the lie is not just about the length of the marriage but the fact you must have stated you have a son with your wife. Why cover up the facts? Such a stupid and pointless lie. The truth would have shown you in such a good light, that you took on your ex's son.
I have a forgiving nature and after a few days of knowing the truth, I'd probably give you a 2nd chance, if you asked. Maybe send another msg in a few days so at least even if it's no, you can move on.

Leave her alone.
Don't start any relationship with a lie.

The problem with a lie...no matter how 'innocent'...is that it will sew the seed of doubt that's hard to shake. You may need to let this one go OP and learn from it for the future relationships. Look on the bright side...you haven't even met so should be easier to forget.

Very odd. Why don't you leave her alone and move on?

I think she is quite rightly distancing herself. I would mnt want To be with a liar either

Leave her to decide for herself.
You have not even meet in real life which
You build up a small snippet of the actual real person through text where anyone can be portraying anyone they want to be.
From now on I would be honest, I understand why you lied to prevent the judgement of being this child's step parent, I personally would value that you took on someone else's child.
The woman's opinion of your relationships are her to accept not for you to lie about.
If you do continue meet asap to get to know the real her not the text version.
Your lie is being protective not spiteful to me that's not a red flag on your part at all.

I really like this woman and I don’t want to fck this one up..*

Think that ship has sailed.

". And I don’t want to look like a desperate idiot needing her attention because let’s be honest that’s not a nice quality in a bloke."
Well don't BE a desperate idiot needing her attention then.
Leave her alone.

Whatever you feel for this woman is pure fantasy anyway. It's a fantasy relationship you have screwed up by lying - so use it as a lesson.

Don't waste time texting people - meet up in real life very quickly. Otherwise you are an avatar getting to know another avatar.

This is a learning experience, not a relationship. Take it as that and let her go.

Sadly OLD is full of lying men so this woman has been put off you by this. Take it as a lesson learnt and be honest as when someone proves to lie you just can't trust what they tell you. At the early stages of meeting someone they don't need to know all the ins and outs of your past anyway.

You're never going to get any advice on this one, just the scorn - being the enemy and all 🙃

No one is 100% honest about themselves on any level of social media and they portray who they want people to see, if someone is "hurt" over you not wanting to go into the intricacies of your person life with someone you didn't know at the time then that's never a good sign, you owe them nothing at the beginning and you're within your right to hold back whatever you deem necessary until a time at which you're comfortable explaining... Nasty and intricate is way OTT but that's what's expected here 🙃

Shoe on the other foot then you'd be told to get over it

A lot of women get lied to regularly so many are extra sensitive to it. I would say give her a bit of space and then get in touch.

Who said anyone was the enemy on here?

Anyway. You lied. I’m sorry if that doesn’t seem like a big reason to you but if you start things off with a lie then there is always the possibility of lying being an easy default for you.

That is deeply unattractive.

And as for it being normal to lie on social media - again, if that is what floats anyone’s boat - fine.

But if you get caught lying, you are sunk.

I don’t do liars. It completely makes me reassess everything about a person and I don’t look at them the same way again.