Ghosted Again

[GhostedAgain]

I just feel so fed up with OD and wondering what’s “wrong” with me that things seem to go well and then bam ghosted.

I feel

I have been chatting

Apologies! Posted before finishing! You can tell I’m normally a lurker here .
I think I’m more upset as I got on really well with this man. “A” let’s call him.

We’ve been talking for a month, now lockdown is eased and I’ve been vaccinated (seen as c extremely vunerable) we have made noises about meeting.

Talking in the evenings, and funny texts throughout the day occasionally.

And then we messaged briefly yesterday and said we’d catch up in the evening on the phone....I tried to call him once my children were asleep. He didn’t answer.

I haven’t heard anything since! I text him this morning saying “Good morning” as we both have been throughout the month.

Both messages have been delivered, not read and radio silence since.

My gut is that he’s not interested, I need some self love ideas ladies and gents!

I don’t want to chase him, I think the fact that I’ve Taken it so hard is because we genuinely got on so well! It felt so easy, and for the first time in my post divorce dating world I had a “good” feeling!

I’m going to take a break from online dating and work on my self! So any activities, books,films, tv shows please feel free to throw them my way!

I know it’s really hard and lockdown has made things even more complicated but you need to keep reminding yourself that you don’t know someone at all until you have met them at least a few times. If you’ve never met, you only know what he’s told you and it may well not be true, he is a stranger. I think often people from online dating disappear at this stage, when meeting up or a relationship becomes more of a reality. I would suspect that he has gone quiet as some element of what he has told you isn’t true and now he can’t meet you or he will be found out. I’d move on from this one and in future try and meet up as soon as possible, to avoid forming attachments to people you haven’t met.

I was talking to a guy for 5 months before I met him(lockdown 2 and tier 4 didn't help), like you we got on really well. In fact even when we met we got on really well, just like friends. Meeting me though made him realise what a mess he is and he has gone off to sort his life out(he said he would be back when he has), I've not heard from him in 6 weeks(he has read a couple of messages I have sent him). I won't lie it hurts like hell still as I thought it might go somewhere but I have to look at it from the view of I don't want a man that is a mess.

I'm keeping myself busy by hitting the gym again, decorating my flat and applying for new jobs. I also love a good crime drama so am rewatching all series of Unforgotten, then I shall move onto Line of Duty from the beginning.

I just don’t understand the concept of thinking you get on very well with someone you’ve never met and only exchange short texts with? Surely you must logically understand somewhere you have no idea if you get on with them as you’ve never even met them?

Sorry, just to add we also FaceTimed in the evenings too.

Firstly, you shouldn’t be this invested in someone you haven’t met

Secondly, it hasn’t even been 24 hours and you’re writing a post about it. I think you may be jumping the gun, there could be an explanation

You've never met in person. You are over-invested.
Don't give up, but don't don't waste time on virtual-only men.

It's a big leap from virtual-only to meeting in person and many people on OLD (men and women) don't make that leap for whatever reason.

I just don’t understand the concept of thinking you get on very well with someone you’ve never met and only exchange short texts with?

It's not hard to understand. I think anyone that has done OLD knows how quickly we can get an off vibe off someone. It's the opposite when there is banter and a similar sense of humour.

I met my partner online and we messaged for several weeks before meeting. I knew we'd likely get on as a result of our contact and we did.

You need a thick skin for OLD and have to learn to not over-invest. Many people are not on there looking for a relationship, despite saying so.

I'd have been hurt if I'd been ghosted before meeting, but would chalk it up as wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason.

Ghosting is cowardly and pathetic anyway and anyone that does it is a bullet dodged.

I think the problem with OLD is it can be so random. The vibe you were getting sounds just like when it does go somewhere. It's probably just bad luck unless.you said something out of turn although it doesn't sound like it.

I think you have invested too much too soon in this guy. Its been hardly 24 hrs and you are already posting about it. Could be that he has ghosted. You, or it could be that something has happened to him/work or family emergency, left his phone somewhere.. All kinds of reasonable explanations. However, the fact that you jump to conclusions so fast shows you are not rdy to be dating, you need to take time for yourself and find a fullfilling life outside of a relationship. Only then should you go back to dating.

Its quite early on to be investing this heavily in OLD really .My own DD has had this happen to her a few times as well .Sometimes these guys may just be in a RL and talking if they are a bit bored or the RL has hit a snag. He may still come back of course .There could be a genuine reason .Maybe now we are coming out of LD meet with friends , take up a new hobby (even just couch to 5k or something)

Ouch! I totally get that that would sting a bit. Especially given that you’ve face-timed too. But even just with texting. I met my fella on OLD and definitely felt we clicked through messaging alone - luckily we were able to meet quite soon after messaging so I wasn’t TOO invested at that point - but definitely if we’d been messaging as we were for months and he’d suddenly ghosted, I would have felt cocked-off, and a little hurt. And VERY disappointed.

There could possibly be reasons he hasn’t responded - something bad has kicked off in Real Life, say? So don’t write him off immediately I would say - at the same time, worth arming yourself now to adjust to the fact that he’s disappeared.

What would I do? Get back on the apps! It’ll give you some amusement at the very least, and give you some people to text that aren’t him.....

And above all else, IT’S NOT YOU! All manner of things could have happened. Maybe an ex suddenly reconnected with him and feels he needs to give it another go? Maybe he’s had some kind of life event that has made him see he just isn’t ready for dating? All manner of things. Yes, he SHOULD man up and tell you, and at least, if he doesn’t, he’s a bit of a cowardly twat and you’ve dodged a bullet there.....

Just keep smiling and don’t give up. Plenty of diamonds out there, among all the rough......

I don’t think you can consider yourself ghosted after just 24 hours?!

And I knew somebody would tell you you weren’t “ready to be dating”. No offence to the person who said this - I get that this is a popular position - but to me, you don’t have to be totally emotionally armoured against any disappointments that may befall you, to be “ready to be dating”. People date - sometimes they get hurt - sometimes it works out - either way, they live. You are (unless completely unwell or something) ready when you feel ready. If you’d posted saying “This man has ghosted me and now my life is unendurable and worthless” I’d say differently. But to me you just seem to be in a calm, albeit disappointed, mood, posting for a bit of emotional support because you are a bit hurt and pissed off. Totally normal responses, I would say......xx

Oh OP I feel your pain. Been OLD since mid January and I’m onto the 11th guy that’s ghosted me
It hurts every time as these are guys that I’ve spoken to for a week or so online, then given my number and been talking most days for 3-4 weeks and then I just get ghosted. So close to just giving up really.
Hope you’re okay though, take care of yourself