Should me and son move in with him?

[HunterBlue]

I've nced as this could potentially be outing.

Me and my boyfriend are young and we have a little boy. When I was pregnant we argued a lot as ds was unplanned and he said he didn't want to be a dad etc. We didn't speak for a while as i split up with him. Anyway I decided to get back with him as he apologised and since then our relationship has been good. And since I gave birth he's done a lot (feeding him changing him bathing him etc) we don't live together yet but me and son stay with him and his family at weekends and for a few days in the week etc as my mum is quite controlling and doesn't like him (he was abused so she thinks he'll end up being abusive which he isn't towards me or son). I also have younger siblings so they're quite loud etc and always wake son up.

Boyfriend said me and son can move in with him and his family (whilst we look for our own place) said it's fine (they adore ds although me and boyfriend look after him obviously but his family do help out occasionally).

I know my mum will end up being controlling so I'm not sure what to do. Wwyd?

Is your DP's abuser one of his family members?

Stay at your mum’s.

@Interviewedundercaution

Is your DP's abuser one of his family members?

No, the abuser was his stepdad and he doesn't have contact with him or his mum.

Stay at your mother's.

So your BF is a good dad and partner, his family are helpful, and your mum is controlling? On the surface, it seems perfectly reasonable that you and BF and DS live together unless there's something we don't know.

I would suggest that you really aim to live the three of you separately, not with the rest of your BF's family, so if you do move in, have a really good timeline for when you live independently?

I can see the attraction of moving in with the 'in-laws' but really you'll be swapping the frying pan for the fire.

I'd have slightly more enthusiasm for you moving in together as a couple, although I wouldn't been keen on the idea - I get the impression you haven't know each other for very long). This isn't because your BF may be an abuser, it's simply as you barely know each other. Put a baby into the mix and it will be a difficult road. Then add an 'in-law' family into the mix and you're on the road to disaster.

And please don't fall for the 'let's move in with in-laws and save for our own place' pitch. Your BF will be living in his long term home and will be comfortable there and not desperate to move out. You, on the other hand, will see the move as temporary and be desperate to move but without the financial freedom to do so. There will be a tension right there. You and he can save up to set up your own home from where you are. That way you're both (hopefully) wanting to move on and will be motivated to do so.

Whatever you choose to do - as soon can - get back to work. Keep your financial independence.

How old is your son?

And since I gave birth he's done a lot (feeding him changing him bathing him etc)

These things are all part of being a parent so I’m not blown away by this list. How often does he see your son? Will he be as willing to do the mundane baby stuff when it’s full time?

How long have you been together?

OP, I was 19 when I had my first daughter and I had only been with her father for just under a year when she was born so I’m not saying you can’t be a family but the constant arguing during your pregnancy would worry me

We've been together for over 2 years. He sees son regularly as I said in my OP I stay at his on weekends and sometimes in the week and when I'm not staying in the week I go over to his.

Yeah, I see you said it now. Missed that bit.

Do you work? Financially independent? Sort those things out first before you get into a situation where you are tied to this guy and can't leave. That's being a good parent. Your dp doing those things are not something great - it's basic parenting. Maybe your mother is 'controlling' for a very good reason.
Give it another year - set yourself up financially in the meantime, see if your dp is consistent in his parenting and treatment of you and then decide on moving in together.

As others have said already, stay with your mum. It might not seem like it but you are in a vulnerable situation and having support from your mum will be invaluable.

Stay home
Save doesn't matter how long it takes. Just save for rent deposit. Moving in with the in laws is a bad move.
I will always regret moving in with mil everything I sad and did was judged around dd it was all good before I moved in. Just true colours came out and I felt very uncomfortable. I would save and save so you and dp can get your own home.

DH and I lived with my parents whilst DD1 was a baby and we moved out when she was 3 and we had saved up for a house deposit. At the time, all I wanted was to move out because I felt like I was being treated like a child even though I was an adult with my own daughter. We were offered to stay with DH’s parents but that sounded awful to me. I would have hated it and not felt comfortable there at all. They are lovely but so different to my parents.

I would seriously consider how it would be living at his parents’ house before making any decisions.

Stay where you are.
Neither of you are ready to live together, especially under someone else’s roof.

Stay with your mum both you and your bf save money for your own ace. I love my in laws but would still rather not live with them

Urgh not ace - place