MIL is always interfering

[Mollie5]

Me and DH are in our late 20s we're married with a baby and have our own house together. We saved up and bought this house together.

His mother is always coming down and being nosey around the house. She always complains about everything. We've recently done a house renovation and she keeps coming down and being nosey, looks through my kitchen cupboards, snoops around upstairs.

Me and DH have both told her to stop but she isn't listening. We're both getting fed up with her. She always has to call everyday to check up on us, to see what baby ate for the day etc. She acts like we're not capable of living independently, we've told her to stop but nothing is working. Any advice.

It's pretty straightforward (not that straightforward is the same as easy) you just need to shut her down and stop engaging with her.
Stop letting her control you and instead make sure you keep her under control, she thinks that she is the head of the family and you all have to obey her, stop going along with her ridiculous self-important fantasy!

My ex mil was indeed the Housework Police. She once asked how I lived in This Mess? I told her she knew where the door was and she wasn't forced to visit..
Usual toys and dc paraphernalia... 6 dc at that time!
Nasty old bint...

Don’t invite her over or let her in if she shows up

You need absolute support from your partner though

Don’t let her in

Could you arrange to see her out somewhere, like a local park? Why does it always have to be at yours.

I don't think she thinks of you as adults - more like two little children who are tasked with looking after a baby. Maybe she's never let go, never really realised that she is no longer needed like she used to be when she was the mother to small children. Maybe she relishes the chance to come over and 'sort you out' - it gives her a role.

The way she snoops upstairs and checks your cupboard makes her sound like she's determined find something damning or salacious. She's like a child who can't keep their hand out of the cookie jar.

If you address this behavior, expect more crying, but this isn't really your situation to sort out actually - it's your husband who should be on forums like this asking for advice. It's your husband who should be butting down a boundary, limiting contact.

Only answer your phones when you want to. Do not give her a choice about coming over. Its your house. DH can ring her and say "me and baby are going to come see you saturday if you are in? we could go to the park/something near you for a bit". if she demands to come to your house he just says that Mollie is having a quiet weekend at home alone so that doesnt work for you both. But hes happy to come to her if she wants to. She doesnt have to say yes.

you are giving her the power to make these choices. its your life and house. you can choose when to respond to her.

You just need to learn to be firm and say No. No you can't come on Sunday we will come to you Monday ect
No you can't come today we are busy.
Don't engage and keep things vague.
She only has power if you let her.
As for asking about the babies food that might just be general interest in her grandchild of not and you think she is checking up on you. Make jokes - what has baby eaten - magic dust and fairy sprinkles and laugh.

She really puts us both down

It was Eleanor Roosevelt who is credited with saying no one can put you down without your persuasion.

Don't give her the power. Anything she says just agree and exaggerate. You are right MiL, I never do any washing up. You are right this house is just too small.

In a jokey tone and giving not a single fuck.

She has no power over you. She will tries but you don't have to let her.

P.s. if she has a key change the locks and keep forgetting g to give her a copy. Find somewhere else to keep a key incase of an emergency.

You’re giving her too much control here, you both need to be more assertive.

Now the weather is warmer TELL her you’ll meet her out once a week with DC, you are too busy for her to come to yours, you’re going to x place and would she like to join you?

DH needs to grow a pair to be honest and just say “no”

@OverTheRainbow88 You win the fastest troll on Mn today! Well done!

Obtain emigration papers to Australia, half fill them in and leave somewhere you know she will see them on her snoop around the house. If that's too much, print out a couple of houses from Righmove a couple of hundred miles away and leave for her to find.

She will confront you and you and DH say something like 'we have asked you repeatedly not to (things you want her to stop doing) but you appear unable to stop so we have decided it would be best for us to move.' Cue hysterics and weeping - don't react.

I had a similarly hellish time with my in-laws. And they used to just let themselves in through the back door at any time of the day. I used to joke with DH about it being ridiculous as we might have been shagging in the kitchen. I wish now that they HAD caught us. It would have stopped them from coming in unannounced.
I never dealt with it properly as I was too young and didn't want to upset anyone. I now know that was the wrong approach.
The right way to deal with this is to ask her directly if she's worried about your ability to run a home/raise a child. Put her on the spot. She'll protest 'of course not'. Then you can tell her that she must now change her behaviour as it is making you anxious. Spell it out to her. Exactly what she does, and how it affects you. Make a list if need be. She might not even realise what she's doing is wrong.

Sometimes, there is a really good reason to tell someone to just fuck off. This is one of those occasions.

Hi OP. No advice as I am the absolute last person to give advice as I have a thread in relationships at the moment about my own parents. Not the same situation in that they do not live close by but absolutely the criticism and the refusal to agree to meeting in any way other than they want to. Feel free to have a read for a terrifying glimpse into the future if you don’t act now.

It sounds as if you and DH are on the same page here (be kind to your DH as dealing with critical parents is HARD) so now might be the ideal time to tackle it and put boundaries in place as sadly she is unlikely to change.

I totally agree with EarthSight:

I don't think she thinks of you as adults - more like two little children who are tasked with looking after a baby. Maybe she's never let go, never really realised that she is no longer needed like she used to be when she was the mother to small children. Maybe she relishes the chance to come over and 'sort you out' - it gives her a role.

Just wanted to wish you and your DH luck in dealing with this. You have some great advice already on this thread.